{"id":2662,"title":"Solution 2 - Prevention Is Better Than Cure","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eOut of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/107-1-out-of-country-health-budget-large-proportion-diverted\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/107-2-out-of-country-health-budget-large-proportion-diverted\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 2\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/107-3-out-of-country-health-budget-large-proportion-diverted\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 3\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/107-4-out-of-country-health-budget-large-proportion-diverted\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 4\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/107-5-out-of-country-health-budget-large-proportion-diverted\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 5\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-21T00:28:39.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree|IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"107-2-out-of-country-health-budget-large-proportion-diverted","parent_id":null,"visits":1624,"likes":7,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2663,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eHealth is the biggest topic in our whole world. It does not matter how wealthy a nation is and how much budget is being spent on healthcare services. Rather the main purpose is to provide sustainable health facilities to every human being. I believe education is the first method which brings \u003cfont color=\"red\"\u003esenses of living without sophisticated disease and unhealthy life\u003c/font\u003e. Hence, I personally support that \u003cfont color=\"red\"\u003ea huge momentary structure\u003c/font\u003e should be invested in health education and preventive activities. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFirstly, health education for low educated people implies prevention of being involved in many criminal activities causing life threatening diseases such as Typhoid,HIV and other communicable ones. For example, in most of developing countries, people are suffering from so many communicable disease because they do not know about disadvantage of taking unhygienic food and water because they do not how to purify the water and how to clean food.If we can provide the information about basic information to them then we can avoid those disease and that education cost will be definitively lesser than treatment cost. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSimilarly,We pay big bundle of cash to hospital because we have suffered with disease but we are not ready to take vaccination which only cost few. \u003cfont color=\"red\"\u003ePreventive method take\u003c/font\u003e long time but it \u003cfont color=\"red\"\u003ecome\u003c/font\u003e at low cast and everybody can face that facilities. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn other hand,treatment is method of preventing from death emergency,it would be measurable on some disaster condition but it is more expensive and sometime we will not able to get good result because we are still unable to have all appropriate skill and materials.Further more,if some body come with massive bleeding by cutting his arm,in that case hospital should suture the wound and prevent from bleeding abnormalities.Like that,treatment are more important in some cases. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTo be concluded,health education and prevention measure go for long time and affordable by everyone so country's big budget should be invested in education and prevention measure where as treatment should be available as much as possible. \u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-21T00:28:39.000Z","author_name":"anjali","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2662,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2664,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were able to achieve the task because you have clearly mentioned your stance on the topic.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are quite organised.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou made lots of mistakes especially subject verb agreement which can pull your mark down significantly. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Health is the biggest topic ... to every human being\": it's too long and comprises of 2 separate ideas. Hence, I strongly suggest you split them into 2 sentences. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"the first method which bring senses\" -\u0026gt; \"the first method which brings senses\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"which country have much budget\" -\u0026gt; \"which country has much budget\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003ePunctuation: \"to every human being.I believe education\" -\u0026gt; \"to every human being. I believe education\" (after periods, you need to put a space.) \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eYour ability in expressing ideas is quite weak: \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"senses of living without sophisticated disease and unhealthy life\": it doesn't sound right to me. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"a huge momentary structure\" -\u0026gt; \"a huge rapid change should take place\" \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"prevention of being involved in many kind of preventable disease like Typhoid,HIV and other communicable diseases\" \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"so i personally support\": you shouldn't use \"so\" at the beginning of a sentence because it's only used as a connector for 2 ideas in the same sentence. For example: \"it was raining heavily so I didn't go to school\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"the grass-hood level,uneducated people\": it's strong and not academic. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"health education to low educated people means preventing\": you should use \"imply\" not \"mean\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003ewrong \"preventing of being involved\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"people are suffering from so many communicable disease because they do not know about disadvantage of taking unhygienic food and water because they do not how to purify the water and how to clean food.\": it's so long and there should be only one \"because\". In spoken English, you can repeat using that word as a way to emphasise your ideas.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-21T03:14:52.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2662,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2665,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-21T05:16:32.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2662,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":1786,"name":"At Any Time Or At Anytime","short_content":"How to use anytime, at anytime and at any time correctly?\n ...","likes":4,"slug":"any-time-or-anytime","tag_groups":["english-common-questions|English Common Questions|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":861,"name":"Speaking Partner - jing pan","short_content":"Aim:\n\ni am a female from China, i want to find a english native speaker who want to talk with me in English\n\nAvailability:\n\nfrom 8:00P.M. to 10P.m at n ...","likes":3,"slug":"speaking-partner-jing-pan","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2648,"name":"Solution 1 - Happiness In Life","short_content":"Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?\n\nSolution 1\n\nSolution ...","likes":5,"slug":"106-1-happiness-considered-very-important-life-difficult-define","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2658,"name":"Solution 1 - Prevention Is Better Than Cure","short_content":"Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To wh ...","likes":9,"slug":"107-1-out-of-country-health-budget-large-proportion-diverted","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree|IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2675,"name":"Solution 1 - Range And Quality Of Food","short_content":"The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed because of technological and scientific advances. Some people regard this change as an improv ...","likes":9,"slug":"108-1-range-quality-food-we-can-buy-has-changed-technological","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null}]
main-forum
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Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Health is the biggest topic in our whole world. It does not matter how wealthy a nation is and how much budget is being spent on healthcare services. Rather the main purpose is to provide sustainable health facilities to every human being. I believe education is the first method which brings senses of living without sophisticated disease and unhealthy life. Hence, I personally support that a huge momentary structure should be invested in health education and preventive activities.
Firstly, health education for low educated people implies prevention of being involved in many criminal activities causing life threatening diseases such as Typhoid,HIV and other communicable ones. For example, in most of developing countries, people are suffering from so many communicable disease because they do not know about disadvantage of taking unhygienic food and water because they do not how to purify the water and how to clean food.If we can provide the information about basic information to them then we can avoid those disease and that education cost will be definitively lesser than treatment cost.
Similarly,We pay big bundle of cash to hospital because we have suffered with disease but we are not ready to take vaccination which only cost few. Preventive method take long time but it come at low cast and everybody can face that facilities.
In other hand,treatment is method of preventing from death emergency,it would be measurable on some disaster condition but it is more expensive and sometime we will not able to get good result because we are still unable to have all appropriate skill and materials.Further more,if some body come with massive bleeding by cutting his arm,in that case hospital should suture the wound and prevent from bleeding abnormalities.Like that,treatment are more important in some cases.
To be concluded,health education and prevention measure go for long time and affordable by everyone so country's big budget should be invested in education and prevention measure where as treatment should be available as much as possible.
Bob - 21/06/2012 13:14:52
Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to achieve the task because you have clearly mentioned your stance on the topic.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are quite organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
You made lots of mistakes especially subject verb agreement which can pull your mark down significantly.
Compare to the original writing.
PERSONAL ADVICE:
"Health is the biggest topic ... to every human being": it's too long and comprises of 2 separate ideas. Hence, I strongly suggest you split them into 2 sentences.
"the first method which bring senses" -> "the first method which brings senses"
"which country have much budget" -> "which country has much budget"
Punctuation: "to every human being.I believe education" -> "to every human being. I believe education" (after periods, you need to put a space.)
Your ability in expressing ideas is quite weak:
"senses of living without sophisticated disease and unhealthy life": it doesn't sound right to me.
"a huge momentary structure" -> "a huge rapid change should take place"
"prevention of being involved in many kind of preventable disease like Typhoid,HIV and other communicable diseases"
"so i personally support": you shouldn't use "so" at the beginning of a sentence because it's only used as a connector for 2 ideas in the same sentence. For example: "it was raining heavily so I didn't go to school"
"the grass-hood level,uneducated people": it's strong and not academic.
"health education to low educated people means preventing": you should use "imply" not "mean"
wrong "preventing of being involved"
"people are suffering from so many communicable disease because they do not know about disadvantage of taking unhygienic food and water because they do not how to purify the water and how to clean food.": it's so long and there should be only one "because". In spoken English, you can repeat using that word as a way to emphasise your ideas.
