{"id":2648,"title":"Solution 1 - Happiness In Life","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eHappiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/106-1-happiness-considered-very-important-life-difficult-define\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/106-2-happiness-considered-very-important-life-difficult-define\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 2\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/106-3-happiness-considered-very-important-life-difficult-define\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 3\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-17T02:11:03.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"106-1-happiness-considered-very-important-life-difficult-define","parent_id":null,"visits":846,"likes":5,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2649,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eAs far as I know, the perception of happiness differs considerably from one individual to another as a result of the diversity of characteristics and environmental factors. In this essay, a few factors to attain happiness will be identified. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAdmittedly, happiness means different things to different people because of their various perceptions. Some people refer happiness as a feeling of pleasure or enjoyment. For instance, a child has toys, a girl owns a shoes collection or people enjoy spending time with their family and friends. Nevertheless, other people see money as a source of happiness. They sacrifice everything in their pursuit of wealth and consider that earning money is solely a way to attain happiness. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnother reason why people have difficulty in defining happiness is that their objectives and interests vary in different life stages. One has the passion for toys as a child, fashionable clothing as a youth, an admirable occupation as an adult and possibly a company of family members as an elder. With age, one’s attitudes, capabilities and concerns are subject to change. Following the latest fads, for examples, appeals to young people, despite the expenditure of time and money. By comparison, senior people are hardly interested in their clothes fashion. They even tend to regard them as a wasteful use of money. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eConsidering the fact that people are all motivated to attain objectives for their happiness, they should first give different weight to different subjects, such as health, money, family or occupation. Few people can attain several aims at the same time. Therefore, the primary factor to achieve happiness is identifying the top priority elements. In addition, in order to be truly happy, it is necessary to live a good life as well as to do something useful with their lives. Some people get a sense of achievement from their work, whereas others find happiness is bringing up their children. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn conclusion, each person defines happiness in his own ways based on personal perceptions and life stages. In general, determining the top priority elements in achieving one's objectives and living a good life are the two most important factors to attain happiness. \u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-17T02:11:03.000Z","author_name":"prettylana","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2648,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2650,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were able to achieve the task by showing the reasons for difficulty in defining happiness and the key factors to attain it .\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is good with some neglectable mistakes which could be easily improved.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are well organised with clear topic sentences.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"the mixes effect\" doesn't sound academic. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"determine\" was not used properly in \"My essay will determine some factors\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"determine\" is to decide or settle conclusively and authoritatively (I suppose you were going to discuss the topic not giving a definite conclusion about how to attain happiness) \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"My essay will determine\": your essay is only a writing task. It's not a person to decide something. \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\"Admittedly, happiness means different things to different people\" \u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eit's not wrong but you shouldn't start your discussion by saying \"admittedly\" because it implies that this is a fact and we need not discuss at all. (just my personal feeling) \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eand in academic writing, people normally start by discussing a matter and then gradually go to a conclusion. \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\"another people see money as a source of happiness\" \u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"another\" is for singular nouns but \"people\" is plural. \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou are missing an article here \"earning money is solely way\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"in their clothes in fashion\" -\u0026gt; \"in their clothes fashion\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"identifies happiness as their own ways base on\" -\u0026gt; \"identifies happiness in their own ways based on\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"each person identifies happiness in his own ways\": \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"identify\" is to establish or indicate who or what. It's subtly different from \"define\"\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-17T03:56:08.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2648,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2651,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-06-17T05:05:29.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2648,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":860,"name":"Speaking Partner - ivy gacayan","short_content":"Aim:\n\ni am looking forward to speak to someone using the English language for me to enhance more my skills \\\n\nAvailability:\n\n10:00 am- 12:00 noon\n\n1:00 ...","likes":2,"slug":"speaking-partner-ivy-gacayan","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2644,"name":"Solution 1 - Internet In Formal Education","short_content":"University lecturer is now able to put their lectures on the internet for students to read and so the importance of attending face to face lectures has ...","likes":1,"slug":"105-1-ielts-writing-university-lecturer-now-able-put-their-lectures-internet","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2386,"name":"Solution 2 - Parents And Schools Responsibility","short_content":"Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good member of the society. Other, however, believed that school is the place to learn ...","likes":5,"slug":"56-2-ielts-writing-task-2-parents-children-good-member-school","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":1786,"name":"At Any Time Or At Anytime","short_content":"How to use anytime, at anytime and at any time correctly?\n ...","likes":4,"slug":"any-time-or-anytime","tag_groups":["english-common-questions|English Common Questions|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":861,"name":"Speaking Partner - jing pan","short_content":"Aim:\n\ni am a female from China, i want to find a english native speaker who want to talk with me in English\n\nAvailability:\n\nfrom 8:00P.M. to 10P.m at n ...","likes":3,"slug":"speaking-partner-jing-pan","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null}]
main-forum
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As far as I know, the perception of happiness differs considerably from one individual to another as a result of the diversity of characteristics and environmental factors. In this essay, a few factors to attain happiness will be identified.
Admittedly, happiness means different things to different people because of their various perceptions. Some people refer happiness as a feeling of pleasure or enjoyment. For instance, a child has toys, a girl owns a shoes collection or people enjoy spending time with their family and friends. Nevertheless, other people see money as a source of happiness. They sacrifice everything in their pursuit of wealth and consider that earning money is solely a way to attain happiness.
Another reason why people have difficulty in defining happiness is that their objectives and interests vary in different life stages. One has the passion for toys as a child, fashionable clothing as a youth, an admirable occupation as an adult and possibly a company of family members as an elder. With age, one’s attitudes, capabilities and concerns are subject to change. Following the latest fads, for examples, appeals to young people, despite the expenditure of time and money. By comparison, senior people are hardly interested in their clothes fashion. They even tend to regard them as a wasteful use of money.
Considering the fact that people are all motivated to attain objectives for their happiness, they should first give different weight to different subjects, such as health, money, family or occupation. Few people can attain several aims at the same time. Therefore, the primary factor to achieve happiness is identifying the top priority elements. In addition, in order to be truly happy, it is necessary to live a good life as well as to do something useful with their lives. Some people get a sense of achievement from their work, whereas others find happiness is bringing up their children.
In conclusion, each person defines happiness in his own ways based on personal perceptions and life stages. In general, determining the top priority elements in achieving one's objectives and living a good life are the two most important factors to attain happiness.
Bob - 17/06/2012 13:56:08
Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to achieve the task by showing the reasons for difficulty in defining happiness and the key factors to attain it .
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is good with some neglectable mistakes which could be easily improved.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are well organised with clear topic sentences.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
PERSONAL ADVICE:
"the mixes effect" doesn't sound academic.
"determine" was not used properly in "My essay will determine some factors"
"determine" is to decide or settle conclusively and authoritatively (I suppose you were going to discuss the topic not giving a definite conclusion about how to attain happiness)
"My essay will determine": your essay is only a writing task. It's not a person to decide something.
"Admittedly, happiness means different things to different people"
it's not wrong but you shouldn't start your discussion by saying "admittedly" because it implies that this is a fact and we need not discuss at all. (just my personal feeling)
and in academic writing, people normally start by discussing a matter and then gradually go to a conclusion.
"another people see money as a source of happiness"
"another" is for singular nouns but "people" is plural.
You are missing an article here "earning money is solely way"
"in their clothes in fashion" -> "in their clothes fashion"
"identifies happiness as their own ways base on" -> "identifies happiness in their own ways based on"
"each person identifies happiness in his own ways":
"identify" is to establish or indicate who or what. It's subtly different from "define"
