{"id":2502,"title":"Solution 1 - School Problems With Student Behavior","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eIn many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ewhat do you think are the causes of this?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ewhat solutions can you suggest?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/74-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-school-problem-student-behavior\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-12T13:00:22.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"74-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-school-problem-student-behavior","parent_id":null,"visits":1824,"likes":7,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2503,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eNegative student behavior in school environment has become alarmingly high about which many people are concerned. School managers mention the steady growth of these trends will damage the education system. I believe that you can find the reasons of this disorder in our educational environments and non-qualified teachers. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt is strongly proved that the atmosphere has a significant effect on human reactions. Low air quality standards, lacking of air conditioning, insufficient space for playing, crowded environments are some examples that scientists have proven to be linked to students behavior. The reason is that students are young and energetic so they need to have more outdoor activities. Governments should modify school standards and allocate more subsidies to school managers to reorganize the facilities and space and also to change the shape of our educational area from an office to a calm place for our students. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBesides that, most of our teachers and school managers are not qualified personnel. Statistics show that just three out of twenty five teachers in my country have passed mental related courses and are familiar with some basic needs of students and youngsters. The results attributed to our school managers is worst by just three persons out of a hundred which indicates that there is a strong demand for using of psychologists and educational consultants to plan a appropriate program.\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-12T13:00:22.000Z","author_name":"amirameri83","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2502,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2505,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-12T15:49:12.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2502,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2504,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were not able to achieve the task. You are supposed to pinpoint the causes and to suggest your solutions. However, you mentioned only the causes but not the solutions.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are poorly organised. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"effective point\" is not what you meant. Effective is to be successful in producing a desired or intended result.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eStudent behaviour is the main problem not \"Complaining about students' reactions\". It's wrong to write \"Complaining about students' reactions in school environment becomes ...\".\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Behavior\" is different from \"reactions\". \"Reaction\" is how you respond to an event.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003ePlural: \"the steady growth of these trend\" -\u0026gt; \"the steady growth of these trends\".\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eWrong \"a significant effects\": you used \"a\" but \"effects\" is in plural form.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"inadequate space\" -\u0026gt; \"insufficient space\". Try to understand the difference between them. It can somhow improve your level of English. Otherwise, you can post a question below.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou shouldn't use \"so on\" in your essay. The sentence you used it already meant there were more things like that.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"young and fresh\" -\u0026gt; it sounds like \"fresh meat\" ???\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Since students are young\": when you use \"since\", there must be 2 clauses.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"modify\" is not a correct word to use in that context.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"The other effective point\": did you mention it before?\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"experted\"??? It's not a correct word.\u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-12T15:55:30.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2502,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":2126,"name":"Solution 2 - Study Pressure For Young People","short_content":"In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.\n\nWhat do you think are the cause ...","likes":2,"slug":"12-2-ielts-writing-task-2-study-pressure-for-young-people","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2498,"name":"Solution 1 - Full Time Univ Students","short_content":"Full time university students spend most of the time studying. They should be doing other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?\n\nSol ...","likes":2,"slug":"73-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-full-time-univ-student-other-activities","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2221,"name":"Solution 3 - Should Visitors Follow Local Customs and Behaviours","short_content":"Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should ...","likes":6,"slug":"29-3-visitors-local-customs-behaviours","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":1822,"name":"IELTS Reading","short_content":"Reading is one of the most common activities including college work and office work. Hence, the reading test has been the focus and considered by many ...","likes":0,"slug":"ielts-reading","tag_groups":["tips-learning-english|Tips For Learning English|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":844,"name":"Speaking Partner - sue suvidha","short_content":"Aim:\n\nI would like to improve my english.\n\nAvailability:\n\n6 pm all day\n\nOnline:\n\nYAHOO: devlica@yahoo.com.au\n ...","likes":0,"slug":"speaking-partner-sue-suvidha","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null}]
main-forum
[{"id":70,"slug":"english-skills-listening","name":"English Skills - Listening","post_name":"News For English Skills - Listening"},{"id":72,"slug":"tips-learning-english","name":"Tips For Learning English","post_name":"News For Learning English"},{"id":73,"slug":"english-common-questions","name":"English Common Questions","post_name":"News For English Common Questions"},{"id":75,"slug":"ielts-speaking-part-1-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Part 1 Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Part 1 Samples"},{"id":76,"slug":"ielts-speaking-part-2-3-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Part 2 \u0026 3 Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Part 2 \u0026 3 Samples"},{"id":77,"slug":"ielts-speaking-samples-and-answers","name":"IELTS Speaking Samples And Answers","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Samples And Answers"},{"id":68,"slug":"ielts-listening-part-1","name":"IELTS Listening Part 1","post_name":"News For IELTS Listening Part 1"},{"id":74,"slug":"ielts-speaking-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Samples"},{"id":78,"slug":"english-skills-speaking-partner","name":"English Skills - Speaking Partner","post_name":"News For English Skills - Speaking Partner"},{"id":81,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1-general","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1 General","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1 General"},{"id":83,"slug":"ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree","name":"IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree"},{"id":84,"slug":"ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion","name":"IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion"},{"id":85,"slug":"ielts-writing-opinion","name":"IELTS Writing Opinion","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Opinion"},{"id":82,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1-academic","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1 Academic","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1 Academic"},{"id":86,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-process","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Process","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Process"},{"id":87,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-map","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Map","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Map"},{"id":88,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-bar-chart","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Bar Chart","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Bar Chart"},{"id":89,"slug":"ielts-writing-advantages-disadvantages","name":"IELTS Writing Advantages Disadvantages","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Advantages Disadvantages"},{"id":90,"slug":"ielts-writing","name":"IELTS Writing","post_name":"IELTS Writing News"},{"id":91,"slug":"ielts-listening","name":"IELTS Listening","post_name":"IELTS Listening News"},{"id":79,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1"},{"id":69,"slug":"ielts-listening-part-2","name":"IELTS Listening Part 2","post_name":"News For IELTS Listening Part 2"},{"id":80,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-2","name":"IELTS Writing Part 2","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 2"},{"id":92,"slug":"ielts-writing-graphs","name":"IELTS Writing Graphs","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Graphs"},{"id":93,"slug":"ielts-academic-writing","name":"IELTS Academic Writing","post_name":"News For IELTS Academic Writing"}]
Negative student behavior in school environment has become alarmingly high about which many people are concerned. School managers mention the steady growth of these trends will damage the education system. I believe that you can find the reasons of this disorder in our educational environments and non-qualified teachers.
It is strongly proved that the atmosphere has a significant effect on human reactions. Low air quality standards, lacking of air conditioning, insufficient space for playing, crowded environments are some examples that scientists have proven to be linked to students behavior. The reason is that students are young and energetic so they need to have more outdoor activities. Governments should modify school standards and allocate more subsidies to school managers to reorganize the facilities and space and also to change the shape of our educational area from an office to a calm place for our students.
Besides that, most of our teachers and school managers are not qualified personnel. Statistics show that just three out of twenty five teachers in my country have passed mental related courses and are familiar with some basic needs of students and youngsters. The results attributed to our school managers is worst by just three persons out of a hundred which indicates that there is a strong demand for using of psychologists and educational consultants to plan a appropriate program.
You were not able to achieve the task. You are supposed to pinpoint the causes and to suggest your solutions. However, you mentioned only the causes but not the solutions.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are poorly organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
PERSONAL ADVICE:
"effective point" is not what you meant. Effective is to be successful in producing a desired or intended result.
Student behaviour is the main problem not "Complaining about students' reactions". It's wrong to write "Complaining about students' reactions in school environment becomes ...".
"Behavior" is different from "reactions". "Reaction" is how you respond to an event.
Plural: "the steady growth of these trend" -> "the steady growth of these trends".
Wrong "a significant effects": you used "a" but "effects" is in plural form.
"inadequate space" -> "insufficient space". Try to understand the difference between them. It can somhow improve your level of English. Otherwise, you can post a question below.
You shouldn't use "so on" in your essay. The sentence you used it already meant there were more things like that.
"young and fresh" -> it sounds like "fresh meat" ???
"Since students are young": when you use "since", there must be 2 clauses.
"modify" is not a correct word to use in that context.
"The other effective point": did you mention it before?
