{"id":2498,"title":"Solution 1 - Full Time Univ Students","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eFull time university students spend most of the time studying. They should be doing other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/73-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-full-time-univ-student-other-activities\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-03-31T01:28:57.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"73-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-full-time-univ-student-other-activities","parent_id":null,"visits":1394,"likes":2,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2499,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eIn today’s world, a majority of prospective full-time university students are spending most of their time studying. Having said that, I completely agree they need to spend time doing other activities. This will be proven by looking at how physical wellbeing and family life are important along with education. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFor one, students need to spend time on physical activities. Let us take Shanghai as an example. Students in Shanghai are well known for their higher education. This is demonstrated by the economic contribution from them to their country’s benefit. The drawback here is that these students are becoming obese by spending most of their time studying, and not doing any sports. Thus, as can be clearly seen from my example there is a need of physical exercises as well. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn addition, students need to concentrate on family relations. For instance, in America, students often traverse longer distances and live at student residences in order to commit to full-time studies. This leads to damages in their family relations. Living with family allows them to have a sense of empathy and makes them become responsible. This makes it clear why students need to indulge in other activities as well as in education. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn conclusion, after looking at how important physical health and relations are in students’ lives; it has now been proven that students need to spend time on other activities as well. Doing that gives them better health and strengthens their relationship to their families. \u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-03-31T01:28:57.000Z","author_name":"Rocky","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2498,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2500,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were able to achieve the task by showing whether you agree or disagree with the topic. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is acceptable but can be improved. There were many phrases you used incorrectly.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are clearly organised. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\"majority of the prospective full-time university students\" -\u0026gt; \"a majority of prospective full-time university students\". \u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou should have used \"a\" here and it's still considered as plural. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"the\" is used only when you have previously mentioned something. \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"As such\" was wrongly used and not a formal word to be used in academic writing topics. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Shown\" should be replaced with \"proven\". \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"how physical wellbeing and family life is\" -\u0026gt; \"how physical wellbeing and family life are\". \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eWrong usage for \"to illustrate\". We usually use \"to illustrate + something\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou should stick to \"students\" not using both \"students\" and \"pupils\". \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"make them a responsible person\" -\u0026gt; \"make them responsible people\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou are exaggerating here: \"It is predicted that this continues to be followed into the foreseeable future. \" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-03-31T02:23:14.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2498,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2501,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-03-31T05:20:29.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2498,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":2471,"name":"Solution 1 - High Sales of Popular Consumer Goods","short_content":"Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what ...","likes":0,"slug":"71-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-today-high-sales-consumer-goods","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree|IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2481,"name":"Solution 1 - Proportion of Population Aged 65 And Over","short_content":"The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information b ...","likes":3,"slug":"72-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-1-proportion-population-65-1940-2040","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-1|IELTS Writing Part 1|false","ielts-writing-part-1-academic|IELTS Writing Part 1 Academic|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":"/rails/active_storage/representations/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaHBBcFFDIiwiZXhwIjpudWxsLCJwdXIiOiJibG9iX2lkIn19--1cacb11354764f4d145d810dd6063fc6796cac81/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaDdCam9MY21WemFYcGxTU0lNTlRBd2VESTRNQVk2QmtWVSIsImV4cCI6bnVsbCwicHVyIjoidmFyaWF0aW9uIn19--ca5be9109540261a74d36dff19d3bd7a6c51a961/ielts-writing-task-1-proportion-population-aged-65.gif"},{"id":2346,"name":"Solution 2 - People Character - Genetics Or Environment","short_content":"People’s character is influenced by environment rather than genetics. Do you agree or disagree?\n\nSolution 1\n\nSolution 2\n ...","likes":4,"slug":"49-2-ielts-writing-task-2-people-character-environment-genetics","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree|IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2252,"name":"Solution 2 - Sport Profession and Money","short_content":"You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.\n\nSuccessful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important profes ...","likes":3,"slug":"33-2-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-sport-profession","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2126,"name":"Solution 2 - Study Pressure For Young People","short_content":"In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.\n\nWhat do you think are the cause ...","likes":2,"slug":"12-2-ielts-writing-task-2-study-pressure-for-young-people","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null}]
main-forum
[{"id":70,"slug":"english-skills-listening","name":"English Skills - Listening","post_name":"News For English Skills - Listening"},{"id":72,"slug":"tips-learning-english","name":"Tips For Learning English","post_name":"News For Learning English"},{"id":73,"slug":"english-common-questions","name":"English Common Questions","post_name":"News For English Common Questions"},{"id":75,"slug":"ielts-speaking-part-1-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Part 1 Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Part 1 Samples"},{"id":76,"slug":"ielts-speaking-part-2-3-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Part 2 \u0026 3 Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Part 2 \u0026 3 Samples"},{"id":77,"slug":"ielts-speaking-samples-and-answers","name":"IELTS Speaking Samples And Answers","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Samples And Answers"},{"id":68,"slug":"ielts-listening-part-1","name":"IELTS Listening Part 1","post_name":"News For IELTS Listening Part 1"},{"id":74,"slug":"ielts-speaking-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Samples"},{"id":78,"slug":"english-skills-speaking-partner","name":"English Skills - Speaking Partner","post_name":"News For English Skills - Speaking Partner"},{"id":81,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1-general","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1 General","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1 General"},{"id":83,"slug":"ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree","name":"IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree"},{"id":84,"slug":"ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion","name":"IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion"},{"id":85,"slug":"ielts-writing-opinion","name":"IELTS Writing Opinion","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Opinion"},{"id":82,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1-academic","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1 Academic","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1 Academic"},{"id":86,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-process","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Process","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Process"},{"id":87,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-map","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Map","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Map"},{"id":88,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-bar-chart","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Bar Chart","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Bar Chart"},{"id":89,"slug":"ielts-writing-advantages-disadvantages","name":"IELTS Writing Advantages Disadvantages","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Advantages Disadvantages"},{"id":90,"slug":"ielts-writing","name":"IELTS Writing","post_name":"IELTS Writing News"},{"id":91,"slug":"ielts-listening","name":"IELTS Listening","post_name":"IELTS Listening News"},{"id":79,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1"},{"id":69,"slug":"ielts-listening-part-2","name":"IELTS Listening Part 2","post_name":"News For IELTS Listening Part 2"},{"id":80,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-2","name":"IELTS Writing Part 2","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 2"},{"id":92,"slug":"ielts-writing-graphs","name":"IELTS Writing Graphs","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Graphs"},{"id":93,"slug":"ielts-academic-writing","name":"IELTS Academic Writing","post_name":"News For IELTS Academic Writing"}]
In today’s world, a majority of prospective full-time university students are spending most of their time studying. Having said that, I completely agree they need to spend time doing other activities. This will be proven by looking at how physical wellbeing and family life are important along with education.
For one, students need to spend time on physical activities. Let us take Shanghai as an example. Students in Shanghai are well known for their higher education. This is demonstrated by the economic contribution from them to their country’s benefit. The drawback here is that these students are becoming obese by spending most of their time studying, and not doing any sports. Thus, as can be clearly seen from my example there is a need of physical exercises as well.
In addition, students need to concentrate on family relations. For instance, in America, students often traverse longer distances and live at student residences in order to commit to full-time studies. This leads to damages in their family relations. Living with family allows them to have a sense of empathy and makes them become responsible. This makes it clear why students need to indulge in other activities as well as in education.
In conclusion, after looking at how important physical health and relations are in students’ lives; it has now been proven that students need to spend time on other activities as well. Doing that gives them better health and strengthens their relationship to their families.
Bob - 31/03/2012 13:23:14
Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to achieve the task by showing whether you agree or disagree with the topic.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is acceptable but can be improved. There were many phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clearly organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
PERSONAL ADVICE:
"majority of the prospective full-time university students" -> "a majority of prospective full-time university students".
You should have used "a" here and it's still considered as plural.
"the" is used only when you have previously mentioned something.
"As such" was wrongly used and not a formal word to be used in academic writing topics.
"Shown" should be replaced with "proven".
"how physical wellbeing and family life is" -> "how physical wellbeing and family life are".
Wrong usage for "to illustrate". We usually use "to illustrate + something"
You should stick to "students" not using both "students" and "pupils".
"make them a responsible person" -> "make them responsible people"
You are exaggerating here: "It is predicted that this continues to be followed into the foreseeable future. "
