Solution 1 - Not Available For First Day At Work

Author: Bob
Updated Date 14/05/2012 15:24:46
Number of views: 506

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You successfully passed a job interview. You are expected to start on November 15, but you will not be available on that date. Task: Write a letter to your new boss, explaining your situation, expressing your concern and suggesting solution.

Solution 1

Solution 2

Solution 3

vijendhar - 14/05/2012 15:24:46

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Vijender Manem. Recently, I have successfully got an offer for the programmer analyst position and I have received the job offer letter indicating the starting date of employment on November 15. I am writing to inform you that I will not be able to join on November 15th for the reason I am going to address below.

Currently I am working on the thesis for the completion of my Master Degree in Computer Science. As part of my thesis, I have written a published paper for my work in IEEE. In 2 weeks, I will have an international conference wherein I will be presenting my paper. I have promised my professor that I would join conferece as it is an opportunity to prove my thesis work. Please consider my position and would request you to postpone my joining date by a month.

I am looking forward to listening the positive response from you.

Thank You,

Vijender Manem.

Bob - 14/05/2012 17:12:52

Critique

+TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were not fully able to achieve the task because your letter only mentioned your situation and didn't mention how you are going to fix the problems caused by your late arrival at work.

+LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is acceptable assuming some of the mistakes were just typographical errors. Further, you need to improve your skills in using prepositions and transitional words such as "hence", "furthermore", "therefore".

+COHERENCE AND COHESION

Paragraphs are organised.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

Compare to the original writing.

PERSONAL ADVICE:

  • Wrong "successfuly" -> "successfully"

  • You should read this: Following And Below

  • The following sentence is grammatically correct but will get low marks because it doesn't show your ability in using complex sentences.

"I am doing my masters in computer science and I'm doing my thesis work"

  • Punctuation:

"In 2 weeks"

  • "where" -> "wherein" : "an international conference where I'm presenting my"

  • "looking forward to listen" -> "looking forward to listening"