{"id":2510,"title":"Solution 1 - Crime Rate Increasing","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eIn many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels? \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/76-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-crime-increasing-governments\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/76-2-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-crime-increasing-governments\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 2\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-19T12:55:50.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"76-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-crime-increasing-governments","parent_id":null,"visits":740,"likes":2,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2511,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eCrime is increasing rapidly in many cities due to many facts. Governments should find a way to reduce crimes, before it’s too late. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eReason of growing crime rate everywhere mainly is because of economy. It effects people’s main source of salary. In a situation where money is harder to acquire, everyone starts to find ways to get it, the easiest way is by committing crimes. As bad economy continues, more crime rate surely will grow. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn addition, another reason that crime is increasing is that the police forces don’t know how to handle the situation correctly. It may be from the lack of management skill by the government or somehow an impossible task was given, such as the government order polices to reduce crime rate to zero percent in a very high density area. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTherefore, the first priority for the governments is to try to strengthen their economy, in order to make people’s life easier. They should try to use their available resources in the right tasks. Learning from the history is one of a great option. However, increasing of police force in both numbers and efficiency should be done together along with government own objectives. Imagine a strong economic city without any police force patrolling them. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWith the right decision from the governments, and the tasks that handle correctly, along with better economic. It is surely that increasing of crimes in every cities will stop, along with better everyday life for everyone.\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-19T12:55:50.000Z","author_name":"James","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2510,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2513,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-19T15:43:37.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2510,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2512,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were able to achieve the task by giving your opinions on why this trend is happening and what the governments should do.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are poorly organised. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eWrong \"every cities\" -\u0026gt; \"many cities\". \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"due to many facts\": they are not facts. If they were fact, we wouldn't have to explain further. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Governments should find a way ...\": you are supposed to suggest solutions. In this context, it doesn't matter whether the Governments can find the solutions or not. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eRequirement \"In many cities crime is increasing\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour answer \"Crime is increasing rapidly in many cities\" \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e=\u0026gt; You wouldn't get a good mark for repeating the topic. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWrong \"Reason of growing crime rate everywhere mainly\" \u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Reason\" is a countable noun. \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e2 Errors here: \"everyone start to find another ways\" -\u0026gt; \"everyone starts to find ways\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eWrong \"easiest way\" -\u0026gt; \"the easiest way\" \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"easiest way is by\": you are translating word by word from your own language. \"By\" is not used as such. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003eRedundancy: \"\u003cb\u003eIn addition, another reason\u003c/b\u003e that crime is increasing\". You use \"in addition\" when you want to introduce new ideas. You need not use \"another reason\" which also means the same thing. \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"due to the police forces\" is wrong. For example: she couldn't study MBA due to her financial problems. As you can see, after \"due to\", we should say the causes not just saying \"due to the police forces\". \u003c/p\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-04-19T17:51:52.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2510,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":845,"name":"Speaking Partner - Soren Rad","short_content":"Aim:\n\nI have taken the IELTS exam and I need somebody to speak with.\n\nAvailability:\n\n13 to 17\n\nOnline:\n\nGOOGLE: soren.rad@gmail.com\n ...","likes":8,"slug":"speaking-partner-soren-rad","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":846,"name":"Speaking Partner - suman milan","short_content":"Aim:\n\nwant a female partner to practice speaking..\n\nAvailability:\n\n9-17 sydney time\n\nOnline:\n\nSKYPE: sumanmilan\n\nYAHOO: suman_doll@ymail.com\n ...","likes":0,"slug":"speaking-partner-suman-milan","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":849,"name":"Speaking Partner - Rajesh reddy","short_content":"Aim:\n\nHi My name is rajesh, From india. I have taken the test on Mar-31, result : L-8.5;R-7;S-7.5;W-6; So rewriting to improve the writing on May-12; M ...","likes":1,"slug":"speaking-partner-rajesh-reddy","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":850,"name":"Speaking Partner - hoang toan","short_content":"Aim:\n\nglad to make friend with all you\n\nAvailability:\n\n2-4 pm everyday\n\nOnline:\n\nSKYPE: hoangtoanhanu\n\nYAHOO: hoangtoan1992\n ...","likes":5,"slug":"speaking-partner-hoang-toan","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2506,"name":"Solution 1 - Tourist Accommodation","short_content":"You are a tourist and have settled into the hotel. Although your room was booked in advance through a travel agency, you discover that there is no balc ...","likes":2,"slug":"75-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-1-letter-tourist-settled-hotel","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-1|IELTS Writing Part 1|false","ielts-writing-part-1-general|IELTS Writing Part 1 General|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false"],"image":null}]
main-forum
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Crime is increasing rapidly in many cities due to many facts. Governments should find a way to reduce crimes, before it’s too late.
Reason of growing crime rate everywhere mainly is because of economy. It effects people’s main source of salary. In a situation where money is harder to acquire, everyone starts to find ways to get it, the easiest way is by committing crimes. As bad economy continues, more crime rate surely will grow.
In addition, another reason that crime is increasing is that the police forces don’t know how to handle the situation correctly. It may be from the lack of management skill by the government or somehow an impossible task was given, such as the government order polices to reduce crime rate to zero percent in a very high density area.
Therefore, the first priority for the governments is to try to strengthen their economy, in order to make people’s life easier. They should try to use their available resources in the right tasks. Learning from the history is one of a great option. However, increasing of police force in both numbers and efficiency should be done together along with government own objectives. Imagine a strong economic city without any police force patrolling them.
With the right decision from the governments, and the tasks that handle correctly, along with better economic. It is surely that increasing of crimes in every cities will stop, along with better everyday life for everyone.
You were able to achieve the task by giving your opinions on why this trend is happening and what the governments should do.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are poorly organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
PERSONAL ADVICE:
Wrong "every cities" -> "many cities".
"due to many facts": they are not facts. If they were fact, we wouldn't have to explain further.
"Governments should find a way ...": you are supposed to suggest solutions. In this context, it doesn't matter whether the Governments can find the solutions or not.
Requirement "In many cities crime is increasing"
Your answer "Crime is increasing rapidly in many cities"
=> You wouldn't get a good mark for repeating the topic.
Wrong "Reason of growing crime rate everywhere mainly"
"Reason" is a countable noun.
2 Errors here: "everyone start to find another ways" -> "everyone starts to find ways"
Wrong "easiest way" -> "the easiest way"
"easiest way is by": you are translating word by word from your own language. "By" is not used as such.
Redundancy: "In addition, another reason that crime is increasing". You use "in addition" when you want to introduce new ideas. You need not use "another reason" which also means the same thing.
"due to the police forces" is wrong. For example: she couldn't study MBA due to her financial problems. As you can see, after "due to", we should say the causes not just saying "due to the police forces".
