{"id":2442,"title":"Solution 1 - Environmental Problems","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eNowadays environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words, it is an international problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/66-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-environmental-problems-individual-international\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-18T12:23:14.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree|IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"66-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-environmental-problems-individual-international","parent_id":null,"visits":2223,"likes":0,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2443,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eToday mankind has seen numerous developments brought by industrial revolutions and new technology in different aspects of life. However, these rapid changes are causing serious negative effects. Undoubtedly, environmental issues such as pollution are clear examples of the disadvantageous effects of this development. The causes of this problem and the possible solutions to remedy these effects will be analyzed in this report.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePerhaps pollution is one of the most heated problems that the whole world is sufferring from. There are many reasons that lead to the pollution around the world. The most important reason is the waste disposal from various factories. For instance, many factories get rid of their trash by burning or burying it under the ground or throwing it into the ocean. These wastes can in turn produce carbon dioxide(CO2), greenhouse gas or other chemical substances. Consequently, these pollutants affect not only the people working in the factories, but also the climate and other creatures.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFurthermore , burning fossil fuels by vehicles is another principal cause of pollution. It can be seen that many overpopulated places have the highest rate of air pollution. This is because of millions of cars that run on the road every day which in turn produce a huge amount of the harmful gases. For example, places such as Sao Paulo and Mexico City are the busiest cities over the world and they have severe, deadly air pollution.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn order to address the possible solutions of the above issues, the authority as well as the individuals have major roles to cope with this problem .Firstly, governments ought to conduct long and short-term strategies of solutions ranging from reducing waste disposal of factories to encouraging the public transportation to reduce the air pollution. Secondly, people who are careless about the environment should change their attitude and pay more attention to the influences beyond the environmental issues.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn my point of view, the preservation of environment is the responsibility of all of the governments, individuals and the communities. Thus, finding out beneficial alternatives is going to tackle the issues that have negative impacts on the environment in the foreseeable future.\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-18T12:23:14.000Z","author_name":"khawla","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2442,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2444,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were not able to achieve the task. You were supposed to give your thought as to whether you agree or disagree with the task's requirement given. In order to do that, you should have given your arguments to support your choices. However, in your essay, 60% is about the causes of pollution. Next, in the 4th paragraph, you wrote the possible solutions but again the question is about whether you agree or disagree not about what solutions you can think of.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is sufficient.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are clear with many transitional phrases: in order to, consequently and so on.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"industrialized revolution\" -\u0026gt; \"industrial revolutions\"\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"No doubt that\" is used in spoken English. Secondly, it's not an adverb as \"however\", or \"nevertheless\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"the environmental issues such as pollution are an example\": which environmental issues? Did you mention them earlier?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+You need to use passive here: \"The causes of this problem and the possible solutions to remedy these effects analyzed in this report\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong: \"a serious negative effects\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"a\" is for singular nouns but you used \"effects\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"environmental issues such as pollution are an example\" -\u0026gt; \"environmental issues such as pollution are examples\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+You don't know whether this is true or not: \"pollution is the most heated problem\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong \"The most reason\": you should use \"The most + adjective\" in your case.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong \"disposal waste\" -\u0026gt; \"waste disposal\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+You need to put a space after a period: \"factories.To illustrate this\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"affect not only on the people around these factories\" -\u0026gt; \"affect not only the people around these factories\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong way of expressing ideas:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"To illustrate this, many factories get rid of their trash\": many factories are getting rid of rubbish to illustrate your ideas.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNormally we say \"To illustrate what I have said, I'm going to show you ...\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"other\" and \"the other\" are 2 different things. If you need explanations, please put a comment below.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"the vehicles\": which vehicles?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Please revise this sentence by trying to distinguish subject + verb: \"places such as Sao Paulo and Mexico City are the most busiest cities over the world have severe deadly air pollution\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Please pay attention to this: \"severe deadly air pollution\" and \"severe, deadly air pollution\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"the overpopulated places\": which places? Did you mention them earlier?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+You used \"and\" here: \"a long and short-term strategy\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Not all people right? \"people should change their irresponsible behaviors against the environment\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Over-used : \"In my point of view, according to the analyzed reasons mentioned above, indeed,\". \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+You can't use \"both\" for more than 2 entities.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"the beneficial alternatives\": which alternatives? Did you talk about them earlier?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong way of using \"impact\": Impact as a verb means \"strike with a blow\" or \"to pack firmly together.\"\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eEx: The wisdom tooth impacted the molar. (from uibk.ac.at)\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-18T13:04:43.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2442,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2445,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-18T14:20:32.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2442,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":2424,"name":"Solution 1 - Should Children Grow in Strict Discipline","short_content":"Some parents grow their children in strict discipline while others leave them free to learn lessons of lives on their own. Which is one of these is a b ...","likes":1,"slug":"61-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-children-grow-strict-discipline","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2427,"name":"Solution 1 - Basic Mathematics and Advanced Computer Technology","short_content":"Computers can easily do all the basic and advanced calculations. Do you think your children should spend more time learning basic mathematics or advanc ...","likes":2,"slug":"62-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-basic-mathematics-advanced-computer-technology","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2430,"name":"Solution 1 - Why Artists Still Have Value in Society","short_content":"Why do you think artists like writers, musicians and painters still have value in society? Discuss.\n\nSolution 1\n ...","likes":7,"slug":"63-1-ielts-writing-task-2-artists-writers-value-society","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2434,"name":"Solution 1 - Society with High Proportion of Senior People","short_content":"In many countries,the proportion of older people is steadily increasing.Does this trend have more negative effects or positive effects on society?\n\nSol ...","likes":4,"slug":"64-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-proportion-old-people-increasing","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2438,"name":"Solution 1 - Should Children Compete or Cooperate","short_content":"Some people think that children should learn to compete in the world, but others think the children should be taught to cooperate so as to become more ...","likes":5,"slug":"65-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-children-compete-cooperate","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null}]
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Nowadays environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words, it is an international problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today mankind has seen numerous developments brought by industrial revolutions and new technology in different aspects of life. However, these rapid changes are causing serious negative effects. Undoubtedly, environmental issues such as pollution are clear examples of the disadvantageous effects of this development. The causes of this problem and the possible solutions to remedy these effects will be analyzed in this report.
Perhaps pollution is one of the most heated problems that the whole world is sufferring from. There are many reasons that lead to the pollution around the world. The most important reason is the waste disposal from various factories. For instance, many factories get rid of their trash by burning or burying it under the ground or throwing it into the ocean. These wastes can in turn produce carbon dioxide(CO2), greenhouse gas or other chemical substances. Consequently, these pollutants affect not only the people working in the factories, but also the climate and other creatures.
Furthermore , burning fossil fuels by vehicles is another principal cause of pollution. It can be seen that many overpopulated places have the highest rate of air pollution. This is because of millions of cars that run on the road every day which in turn produce a huge amount of the harmful gases. For example, places such as Sao Paulo and Mexico City are the busiest cities over the world and they have severe, deadly air pollution.
In order to address the possible solutions of the above issues, the authority as well as the individuals have major roles to cope with this problem .Firstly, governments ought to conduct long and short-term strategies of solutions ranging from reducing waste disposal of factories to encouraging the public transportation to reduce the air pollution. Secondly, people who are careless about the environment should change their attitude and pay more attention to the influences beyond the environmental issues.
In my point of view, the preservation of environment is the responsibility of all of the governments, individuals and the communities. Thus, finding out beneficial alternatives is going to tackle the issues that have negative impacts on the environment in the foreseeable future.
Bob - 19/02/2012 00:04:43
Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were not able to achieve the task. You were supposed to give your thought as to whether you agree or disagree with the task's requirement given. In order to do that, you should have given your arguments to support your choices. However, in your essay, 60% is about the causes of pollution. Next, in the 4th paragraph, you wrote the possible solutions but again the question is about whether you agree or disagree not about what solutions you can think of.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is sufficient.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clear with many transitional phrases: in order to, consequently and so on.
+"No doubt that" is used in spoken English. Secondly, it's not an adverb as "however", or "nevertheless".
+"the environmental issues such as pollution are an example": which environmental issues? Did you mention them earlier?
+You need to use passive here: "The causes of this problem and the possible solutions to remedy these effects analyzed in this report".
+Wrong: "a serious negative effects".
"a" is for singular nouns but you used "effects".
+"environmental issues such as pollution are an example" -> "environmental issues such as pollution are examples".
+You don't know whether this is true or not: "pollution is the most heated problem".
+Wrong "The most reason": you should use "The most + adjective" in your case.
+Wrong "disposal waste" -> "waste disposal".
+You need to put a space after a period: "factories.To illustrate this".
+"affect not only on the people around these factories" -> "affect not only the people around these factories".
+Wrong way of expressing ideas:
"To illustrate this, many factories get rid of their trash": many factories are getting rid of rubbish to illustrate your ideas.
Normally we say "To illustrate what I have said, I'm going to show you ...".
+"other" and "the other" are 2 different things. If you need explanations, please put a comment below.
+"the vehicles": which vehicles?
+Please revise this sentence by trying to distinguish subject + verb: "places such as Sao Paulo and Mexico City are the most busiest cities over the world have severe deadly air pollution".
+Please pay attention to this: "severe deadly air pollution" and "severe, deadly air pollution".
+"the overpopulated places": which places? Did you mention them earlier?
+You used "and" here: "a long and short-term strategy".
+Not all people right? "people should change their irresponsible behaviors against the environment".
+Over-used : "In my point of view, according to the analyzed reasons mentioned above, indeed,".
+You can't use "both" for more than 2 entities.
+"the beneficial alternatives": which alternatives? Did you talk about them earlier?
+Wrong way of using "impact": Impact as a verb means "strike with a blow" or "to pack firmly together."
Ex: The wisdom tooth impacted the molar. (from uibk.ac.at)
