{"id":2430,"title":"Solution 1 - Why Artists Still Have Value in Society","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWhy do you think artists like writers, musicians and painters still have value in society? Discuss.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/63-1-ielts-writing-task-2-artists-writers-value-society\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-14T01:58:13.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"63-1-ielts-writing-task-2-artists-writers-value-society","parent_id":null,"visits":1780,"likes":7,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2431,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eIn these days of individualism where, every person has his struggle of survival. The medium of relaxation, to attain peace of mind is through books, music and by drowning in thoughts expressed in a painting. henceforth, people in profession of fine arts are always get appreciated. there are few other facts i would like to give light upon. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFirstly, the creative art of a particular community, religion or race restores its cultural heritage. To support that, An artist beautifully presents his cultural prosperity in his work by a novel, painting or a song. for example, the poems, tales written by \"Shakespear\" picturise the customs of that time. therefore the artist of those days will always stays in peoples heart. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSecondly, music play an important role in peoples life. notably, it controls the emotions of a person. for instance, an experiment has done at work place to see how music affects a work. the results were surprising, the quality and quantity has been improved since pleasant music played. It alter the job atmosphere to a positive one. this is one of the reason why singers, musicians get high recognisation in society. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFinally, the art work done in ancient time help us in understand the technology of the time. because, in ancient times politicians, visionaries, physicians were the only people used to paint so, there painting were not a simple piece of art, they express great meaning, logic and scientific research of that times. to show, the perfect example is the painting of 'monalisa', which has many mysteries hidden in it. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHence, in this contemporary world, artist are the part of society who stores the time in there work. They entertain, educate and inspire us. these people always have high value in community. \u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-14T01:58:13.000Z","author_name":"sajeet","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2430,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2432,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion along with explanations on why artists still have value in society.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is very good: individualism, survival, heritage.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are clearly organised. Good use of transition words: firstly, secondly, therefore, to support that, finally, hence.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Punctuation: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"days of individualism where, every person has\" -\u0026gt; \"days of individualism, where every person has\"\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eComma is not appropriate here: \"\u003cu\u003ethe medium of relaxation\u003c/u\u003e, to attain peace of mind \u003cu\u003eis through books\u003c/u\u003e\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Therefore the artist of those days\" -\u0026gt; \"Therefore, the artist of those days\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"the painting of 'monalisa', which has\" -\u0026gt; \"the painting of 'monalisa' which has\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe 2 underlined phrases are actually subject and verb of the sentence. Normally you should put it like this \"Subject, which ..., verb\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+This is not a complete sentence: \"In these days ... survival\". You can't just stop right there.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Try not to use \"through\" and \"by\" like this: \"is through books, music and \u003cb\u003eby\u003c/b\u003e\" because it's not balanced.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Capitalisation at the begining of a sentence: \"henceforth\", \"for example\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Verb: \"people in profession of fine arts \u003cb\u003eare\u003c/b\u003e always \u003cb\u003eget\u003c/b\u003e appreciated\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"To support that, An artist\" -\u0026gt; \"To support that, an artist\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"music play an important role\" -\u0026gt; \"music plays an important role\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"an experiment has done\" -\u0026gt; \"an experiment has been done\".\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong \"a work\" (uncountable).\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Plural: \"one of the reason\" -\u0026gt; \"one of the reasons\". \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"helps us in understand\" -\u0026gt; \"helps us in understanding\". \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong \"Because ... so ...\". \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"there painting\" -\u0026gt; \"their paintings\". \u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-14T03:36:24.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2430,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2433,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-14T05:45:50.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2430,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":1917,"name":"My Australia: Episode 15 - Part 2","short_content":"Source: Youtube\n\nThis is only the audio file. We are implementing transcripts and questions\n\nfor this section which will help you examine your understa ...","likes":4,"slug":"my-australia-episode-15-part-2","tag_groups":["ielts-listening-part-2|IELTS Listening Part 2|false","english-skills-listening|English Skills - Listening|false","ielts-listening|IELTS Listening|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":1918,"name":"My Australia: Episode 15 - Part 3","short_content":"Source: Youtube\n\nThis is only the audio file. We are implementing transcripts and questions\n\nfor this section which will help you examine your understa ...","likes":0,"slug":"my-australia-episode-15-part-3","tag_groups":["ielts-listening-part-2|IELTS Listening Part 2|false","english-skills-listening|English Skills - Listening|false","ielts-listening|IELTS Listening|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2420,"name":"Solution 1 - Qualities of A Good Supervisor","short_content":"What are some important qualities of a good supervisor(boss)? Use specific details and examples to explain why these qualities are important.\n\nSolutio ...","likes":2,"slug":"60-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-important-qualities-supervisor","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2424,"name":"Solution 1 - Should Children Grow in Strict Discipline","short_content":"Some parents grow their children in strict discipline while others leave them free to learn lessons of lives on their own. Which is one of these is a b ...","likes":1,"slug":"61-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-children-grow-strict-discipline","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2427,"name":"Solution 1 - Basic Mathematics and Advanced Computer Technology","short_content":"Computers can easily do all the basic and advanced calculations. Do you think your children should spend more time learning basic mathematics or advanc ...","likes":2,"slug":"62-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-basic-mathematics-advanced-computer-technology","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null}]
main-forum
[{"id":70,"slug":"english-skills-listening","name":"English Skills - Listening","post_name":"News For English Skills - Listening"},{"id":72,"slug":"tips-learning-english","name":"Tips For Learning English","post_name":"News For Learning English"},{"id":73,"slug":"english-common-questions","name":"English Common Questions","post_name":"News For English Common Questions"},{"id":75,"slug":"ielts-speaking-part-1-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Part 1 Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Part 1 Samples"},{"id":76,"slug":"ielts-speaking-part-2-3-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Part 2 \u0026 3 Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Part 2 \u0026 3 Samples"},{"id":77,"slug":"ielts-speaking-samples-and-answers","name":"IELTS Speaking Samples And Answers","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Samples And Answers"},{"id":68,"slug":"ielts-listening-part-1","name":"IELTS Listening Part 1","post_name":"News For IELTS Listening Part 1"},{"id":74,"slug":"ielts-speaking-samples","name":"IELTS Speaking Samples","post_name":"News For IELTS Speaking Samples"},{"id":78,"slug":"english-skills-speaking-partner","name":"English Skills - Speaking Partner","post_name":"News For English Skills - Speaking Partner"},{"id":81,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1-general","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1 General","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1 General"},{"id":83,"slug":"ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree","name":"IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree"},{"id":84,"slug":"ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion","name":"IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion"},{"id":85,"slug":"ielts-writing-opinion","name":"IELTS Writing Opinion","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Opinion"},{"id":82,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1-academic","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1 Academic","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1 Academic"},{"id":86,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-process","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Process","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Process"},{"id":87,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-map","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Map","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Map"},{"id":88,"slug":"ielts-writing-diagram-bar-chart","name":"IELTS Writing Diagram Bar Chart","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Diagram Bar Chart"},{"id":89,"slug":"ielts-writing-advantages-disadvantages","name":"IELTS Writing Advantages Disadvantages","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Advantages Disadvantages"},{"id":90,"slug":"ielts-writing","name":"IELTS Writing","post_name":"IELTS Writing News"},{"id":91,"slug":"ielts-listening","name":"IELTS Listening","post_name":"IELTS Listening News"},{"id":79,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-1","name":"IELTS Writing Part 1","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 1"},{"id":69,"slug":"ielts-listening-part-2","name":"IELTS Listening Part 2","post_name":"News For IELTS Listening Part 2"},{"id":80,"slug":"ielts-writing-part-2","name":"IELTS Writing Part 2","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Part 2"},{"id":92,"slug":"ielts-writing-graphs","name":"IELTS Writing Graphs","post_name":"News For IELTS Writing Graphs"},{"id":93,"slug":"ielts-academic-writing","name":"IELTS Academic Writing","post_name":"News For IELTS Academic Writing"}]
In these days of individualism where, every person has his struggle of survival. The medium of relaxation, to attain peace of mind is through books, music and by drowning in thoughts expressed in a painting. henceforth, people in profession of fine arts are always get appreciated. there are few other facts i would like to give light upon.
Firstly, the creative art of a particular community, religion or race restores its cultural heritage. To support that, An artist beautifully presents his cultural prosperity in his work by a novel, painting or a song. for example, the poems, tales written by "Shakespear" picturise the customs of that time. therefore the artist of those days will always stays in peoples heart.
Secondly, music play an important role in peoples life. notably, it controls the emotions of a person. for instance, an experiment has done at work place to see how music affects a work. the results were surprising, the quality and quantity has been improved since pleasant music played. It alter the job atmosphere to a positive one. this is one of the reason why singers, musicians get high recognisation in society.
Finally, the art work done in ancient time help us in understand the technology of the time. because, in ancient times politicians, visionaries, physicians were the only people used to paint so, there painting were not a simple piece of art, they express great meaning, logic and scientific research of that times. to show, the perfect example is the painting of 'monalisa', which has many mysteries hidden in it.
Hence, in this contemporary world, artist are the part of society who stores the time in there work. They entertain, educate and inspire us. these people always have high value in community.
Bob - 14/02/2012 14:36:24
Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion along with explanations on why artists still have value in society.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is very good: individualism, survival, heritage.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clearly organised. Good use of transition words: firstly, secondly, therefore, to support that, finally, hence.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
PERSONAL ADVICE
+Punctuation:
"days of individualism where, every person has" -> "days of individualism, where every person has"
Comma is not appropriate here: "the medium of relaxation, to attain peace of mind is through books".
"Therefore the artist of those days" -> "Therefore, the artist of those days".
"the painting of 'monalisa', which has" -> "the painting of 'monalisa' which has".
The 2 underlined phrases are actually subject and verb of the sentence. Normally you should put it like this "Subject, which ..., verb".
+This is not a complete sentence: "In these days ... survival". You can't just stop right there.
+Try not to use "through" and "by" like this: "is through books, music and by" because it's not balanced.
+Capitalisation at the begining of a sentence: "henceforth", "for example".
+Verb: "people in profession of fine arts are always get appreciated".
+"To support that, An artist" -> "To support that, an artist".
+"music play an important role" -> "music plays an important role".
+"an experiment has done" -> "an experiment has been done".
+Wrong "a work" (uncountable).
+Plural: "one of the reason" -> "one of the reasons".
+"helps us in understand" -> "helps us in understanding".
