Solution 2 - Going Overseas For University Study

Author: Bob
Updated Date 05/06/2012 16:57:43
Number of views: 1810

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Going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages, it is probably better to stay home because of the difficulties a student inevitably encounters living and studying in a different culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement and give your opinion.

Solution 1

Solution 2

snowqueen93 - 05/06/2012 16:57:43

In today's society, studying in overseas university is the norm for many students. However, besides the benefits and the good experiences they earn, some considerable drawbacks might arise and prevent students from the opportunity not everyone can obtain.

It is true that study abroad provides higher qualifications and therefore people who earn the degrees are believed to be more successful in life than those who study locally. With international certifications, people have more opportunities to be recruited in the current competitive job markets, even in foreign companies wherein high paid salaries are expected. Moreover, living by one's own in a strange new place without anyone to take care of is another good reason for studying overseas. Essential work like cooking, cleaning the room, traveling alone are unavoidable. As a result, students grow more mature and build up their independence.

In spite of the benefits, there are hindrances on the way of pursuing dreams of many people. One of the most typical problems is the difference between cultures in that students have difficulties in adapting to the new environment. Hence, it causes homesick or even discrimination at university life since students are stuck in their formal behaviours and lifestyles. In addition, real-life native language using is instead of being said to be one of the advantages, it is in contrast one major issue that a number of students are aware of. What people have known and learned about languages in books is not always the same as what locals actually use in daily life. This causes misunderstanding and obstruction of forming social life, which is indeed significant for overseas students.

In short, although there are struggles and difficulties, it is undeniable that studying abroad offers different perspectives of the world. To my opinion, going overseas for university study should be encouraged because it is a way to help develop a country with high educated students.

Bob - 05/06/2012 17:56:08

Critique

+TASK ACHIEVEMENT

You were able to achieve the task by showing your own opinions and to what extent you agree and disagree.

+LEXICAL RESOURCE

Vocabulary is weak with many grammatical errors, especially with prepositions and single/plural nouns.

+COHERENCE AND COHESION

Paragraphs are clearly organised and reflect your ability in using linking words.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY

Compare to the original writing.

PERSONAL ADVICE:

  • Wrong preposition and doesn't sound right: "Studying for university overseas"

  • Wrong because "abroad" is not an adjective "abroad study"

  • Plural:

"higher qualification" -> "higher qualifications"

"the degree" -> "the degrees"

"One of the most typical problem" -> "One of the most typical problems"

  • I think you used a wrong verb here: "are preceded to be more successful in life". You didn't want to use "precede" because it means something very different.

  • "people have more options for workplace": did you really mean "workplace"? or you mean the job markets?

  • "students grow more as a person": if not like a person, whatelse can they be? :)

  • "the difference of cultures" -> "the difference between cultures"

  • "native citizens" -> "locals"