Speaking Partner - Gavin Hao
{"id":2460,"title":"Solution 1 - Watching Sport Events","advertisement_flag":false,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eNowadays people prefer to follow sports events on TV rather than take part in sports themselves. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/69-1-ielts-writing-task-2-people-prefer-follow-sports-events\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eSolution 1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-29T23:35:09.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"author_id":1,"slug":"69-1-ielts-writing-task-2-people-prefer-follow-sports-events","parent_id":null,"visits":905,"likes":1,"image":null}
[]
[]
ielts-writing-part-2
[{"id":2461,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eIn present life style, majority civilians opt to watch sports in Television and not interested to participate. Due to away from sports activities there by physical exercise, people are suffering with more health problems. This leads to so many adverse conditions.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSports are giving good exercise to human, not only the person who works in the doors but also outdoor and physical job strained employees also needs sports to get a proper exercise. It gives you health and mental relaxation.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn urban areas, majority people are suffering with many deceases. Among them Heart attack, blood pressure and diabetes are common to everybody. By looking into the details 80% of the patients are pertains to the group of people who do not play any sports and spent their lives only by sitting either in work place or at home. It is cleared by many scientists that with minimal participation in sports one can avoid such health problems.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eDue to the present life style, being an ordinary civilian spends his time either work place or at home. They do not spend any time in sports ground. It makes them more work pressure and unable to come out from the bad moods of office work tensions. So, soon they become mentally sick. This also follows social relations, as not mingling to other people not even at sports ground, left them alone in the busy life.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBy considering the above said points, not participating in sports should lead any human to the negative side in ways of health, mental and social relations.\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-02-29T23:35:09.000Z","author_name":"pvrmurthy","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2460,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2463,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003eWriting Tips:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-can-i-improve-my-writing-skills\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow To Improve Writing Skills\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/what-required-ielts-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eWhat Is Required In IELTS Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/tips-ielts-vocabulary-writing\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eTips On IELTS Vocabulary For Writing\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"/d/how-your-ielts-essays-are-graded\" rel=\"nofollow\"\u003eHow Your IELTS Essays Are Graded\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-03-01T01:15:28.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2460,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null},{"id":2462,"title":null,"advertisement_flag":false,"author_id":1,"content":"\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eCritique\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+TASK ACHIEVEMENT\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eYou were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion on whether the trend is positive or negative\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+LEXICAL RESOURCE\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eVocabulary is weak and there were many phrases you used incorrectly.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+COHERENCE AND COHESION\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eParagraphs are not clearly organised. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCompare to the original writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePERSONAL ADVICE: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"In present life style\" is not what people often use in the context. Rather people normally use the following phrases:\u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIn modern life \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn today's society \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Majority is usually used as a noun and therefore, it's incorrect to use \"majority civilians\". Example: \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe vast majority of students did well in the exam. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eA great majority of the people are not satisfied with their salary. \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"in Tv\" -\u0026gt; \"on Tv\" \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Due to + noun \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eEx: Due to the reduction in salary, Peter couldn't afford a new car. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+You can make this sentence more academic: \"people are suffering with more health problems.\" \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+For the introduction, people often address what they are going to write in the essay not like this: \"This leads to so many adverse conditions.\" \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003esecondly, \"adverse conditions\" has a different meaning. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMoreover, the question was \"Do you think this is a positive or a negative development\". You also should explicitly state your side. \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Never write a paragraph with only 2 sentences \"Sports are giving good ...It gives you health and mental relaxation.\" \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Try to reduce present continuous \"Sports are giving good\", \"people are suffering\". They are not academic. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"suffer with many deceases\": suffer diseases (don't use \"with\"). \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+Wrong \"deceases\". \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"being an ordinary civilian spends his time\" doesn't make sense. \u003c/p\u003e\n\n\u003cblockquote\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCivilians normally spend time on ... \u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/blockquote\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e+\"By considering the above said points\" is not academic. \u003c/p\u003e\n","created_at":"2012-03-01T04:27:17.000Z","author_name":"Bob","tag_groups":[],"slug":null,"parent_id":2460,"visits":0,"likes":-1,"image":null}]
[{"id":848,"name":"Speaking Partner - Gavin Hao","short_content":"Aim:\n\nI want get 7 band. two years ago i got 6.5. while a few days ago whick at the end of the march ,i only got 5 point. i don't know why????????? i c ...","likes":0,"slug":"speaking-partner-gavin-hao","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":851,"name":"Speaking Partner - huong nguyen thu","short_content":"Aim:\n\nwant to improve my English\n\nAvailability:\n\nall afternoon\n\nOnline:\n\nSKYPE: huongneu\n\nYAHOO: cuocsong_thieuanh193\n ...","likes":1,"slug":"speaking-partner-huong-nguyen-thu","tag_groups":["english-skills-speaking-partner|English Skills - Speaking Partner|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2201,"name":"Solution 2 - Is Change a Good or Bad Thing?","short_content":"Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss b ...","likes":5,"slug":"27-2-is-change-a-good-or-bad-thing","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-discuss-and-give-opinion|IELTS Writing Discuss And Give Opinion|false","ielts-writing-opinion|IELTS Writing Opinion|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":1760,"name":"Everyone and Every one","short_content":"What is the difference between Everyone and Every one?\n ...","likes":1,"slug":"everyone-and-every-one","tag_groups":["english-common-questions|English Common Questions|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null},{"id":2452,"name":"Solution 1 - Going Overseas For University Study","short_content":"Going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages, it is probably better to stay home ...","likes":2,"slug":"68-1-ielts-writing-sample-task-2-overseas-university-study-agree-disagree","tag_groups":["ielts-writing-part-2|IELTS Writing Part 2|false","ielts-writing-agree-or-disagree|IELTS Writing Agree Or Disagree|false","ielts-writing|IELTS Writing|false","ielts-academic-writing|IELTS Academic Writing|false"],"image":null}]
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Author: Bob
Updated Date 01/03/2012 10:35:09
Number of views: 905
Nowadays people prefer to follow sports events on TV rather than take part in sports themselves. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In present life style, majority civilians opt to watch sports in Television and not interested to participate. Due to away from sports activities there by physical exercise, people are suffering with more health problems. This leads to so many adverse conditions.
Sports are giving good exercise to human, not only the person who works in the doors but also outdoor and physical job strained employees also needs sports to get a proper exercise. It gives you health and mental relaxation.
In urban areas, majority people are suffering with many deceases. Among them Heart attack, blood pressure and diabetes are common to everybody. By looking into the details 80% of the patients are pertains to the group of people who do not play any sports and spent their lives only by sitting either in work place or at home. It is cleared by many scientists that with minimal participation in sports one can avoid such health problems.
Due to the present life style, being an ordinary civilian spends his time either work place or at home. They do not spend any time in sports ground. It makes them more work pressure and unable to come out from the bad moods of office work tensions. So, soon they become mentally sick. This also follows social relations, as not mingling to other people not even at sports ground, left them alone in the busy life.
By considering the above said points, not participating in sports should lead any human to the negative side in ways of health, mental and social relations.
Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion on whether the trend is positive or negative
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is weak and there were many phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are not clearly organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
PERSONAL ADVICE:
+"In present life style" is not what people often use in the context. Rather people normally use the following phrases:
In modern life
In today's society
+Majority is usually used as a noun and therefore, it's incorrect to use "majority civilians". Example:
The vast majority of students did well in the exam.
A great majority of the people are not satisfied with their salary.
+"in Tv" -> "on Tv"
+Due to + noun
Ex: Due to the reduction in salary, Peter couldn't afford a new car.
+You can make this sentence more academic: "people are suffering with more health problems."
+For the introduction, people often address what they are going to write in the essay not like this: "This leads to so many adverse conditions."
secondly, "adverse conditions" has a different meaning.
Moreover, the question was "Do you think this is a positive or a negative development". You also should explicitly state your side.
+Never write a paragraph with only 2 sentences "Sports are giving good ...It gives you health and mental relaxation."
+Try to reduce present continuous "Sports are giving good", "people are suffering". They are not academic.
+"suffer with many deceases": suffer diseases (don't use "with").
+Wrong "deceases".
+"being an ordinary civilian spends his time" doesn't make sense.
Civilians normally spend time on ...
+"By considering the above said points" is not academic.