People’s character is influenced by environment rather than genetics. Do you agree or disagree?
Numerous scientists claim that both genes and the environment play a significant role in shaping one's character. Research conducted by leading scientific institutions has shown that while some character traits are inherited, most are acquired through experience during lifetime.
Let us consider cases which clearly demonstrate strong links between the environment and a person's character.
Everyone has their own unique DNA, except for identical twins, who share the same DNA. Many studies have been done involving hundreds pairs of identical twins who were raised apart, in very different environments. These observations showed that twins really do share some traits such as a preference for the same colors or smells, books and films. However, their essential characters are quite differ from each other. As explained by most psychologists, it was a result of the influence from their environments. For example, one of the twins was brought up in the countryside, and the other was in the city. The rural twin is unflappable, taciturn, withdrawn, and hard working. The urban twin is quite the opposite. He may be described as talkative, open and temperamental.
That's why there is no doubt that the influence of the environment and nurture is more obvious and convincing than genes. For example, parents try to rent or buy homes in wholesome areas far from crime-ridden ones in the hope that their children will not be amid bad influences.
By and large, people are profoundly influenced by their parents, co-workers, friends, teachers, peers as well as media. These are important factors of life that have a great influence on one's nature. Moreover, they may be responsible for forming the characters of those who communicate with them in everyday life.
All these arguments lead to the conclusion that the environment contributes more to shaping an individual's nature than genes. Indeed, the influence of nurture on one's past is so overwhelming and powerful. That is why criminologists state that criminals are often the result of bad parenting or bad nurturing.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Agree or Disagree
This critique is meant for the writing from milaniyamiila
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion as to whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the essay's requirement.
Vocabulary is very good: wholesome, by and large, unflappable, taciturn, withdrawn, criminologists.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are not strongly distintive. Good use of transition words: however, by and large, indeed.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+Your essay is well beyond 250 words (339 words) which is not really good because you have to consider spending time on the first task.
+Your essay was well written. However, each paragraph doesn't have its own idea.
For example, let's consider the second paragraph. It has shown that even though genes really affect one's character, the environment plays a more important role in his essential nature.
The 3rd paragraph simply continues the idea of the previous one by confirming the strong influence of the environment and nurture.
Therefore, it's not really reasonable to split them into 2 different paragraphs.
+Which one are you refering to in "Let us consider cases which clearly demonstrate the strong link"? You should change to "strong links".
+Missing "that" in "These are important factors of life have a profound".
+In the 4th paragraph, you shouldn't use "profound" repeatedly.
>"scientific institutions has shown that, while some character traits"
>"That's why, there is no doubt"
+Wrong "is quite differ from". You should say "is quite different from" or "differs from"
+"do really share" is not really what you meant. It should be "really do share"
+The way you used "At the same time" in your essay was not really appropriate.
+"most psychologists explained it by
" is not suitable.
+"and" is usually used to connect 2 similar ideas. Therefore, "their essential characters ... and most psychologists explained it ..." should be re-considered.
+You are very good at using idioms. However, in academic writing, you should avoid such phrases as " and a little bit of a couch potato".