Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good member of the society. Other, however, believed that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The manner of children is important not only for themselves but also for the whole society. These children would be the future of a nation. Due to this significance, it is debatable that whether it is either parents or teachers who should be solely responsible for making them become good members of the society. There is a need to look at both of these views.
One school of thought holds that parents have the responsibility to teach the norms and behavior to their children. In other words, parents are the first institute of the child. Firstly, many psychologists believe that kids are very keen observer. They follow and try to immitate the behaviours of their mother and father. It is scientifically claimed that the majority of human personality traits are developed at the early age of life. Secondly, they spend most of the time with their parents before entering Teenagehood. Based on that, parents are believed to have the ability to give better guide to their offspring what is right and wrong.
On the other hand, some people believe that school is the real place of teaching. Undoubtely, school is much more than providing knowledge to students. They interact and communicate with their peers and friends and learn how to behave and react with them. At this age, they are mature enough to comprehend the difference of good and bad. This school of thought is also of the view that it is not obligatory that parents should be educated enough to teach whereas teachers are fully sufficient to influence the behaviours of their students.
Summing it up, I think that both of these views are satisfactory and it is not the responsibility of any party alone but it should be the combined effort of both parents and schools to make children a good member of the society.
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Discuss and Give Opinion
This critique is meant for the writing from monkey
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion as to whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the essay's requirement.
Vocabulary is sufficient: soly, one school of thought, offspring.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clearly organised. Good use of transition words: firstly, secondly, on the other hand, furthermore, summing it up.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+Regarding this "The manner of children ... for the individual", you were actually refering to the children so you should change "individual" -> "themselves".
+In "These children would be the future of the nation", which nation? Should change to "a nation".
+In "Due to this significant", "significant" is adjective.
+In "who would be the sole responsible", if you use "the", you should add a noun after that.
+"making them a good member" is not complete -> "making them become good members".
+"One school of thought thinks that" -> "One school of thought holds that".
+In "They are of the view that", who does the word "they" refer to?
+"The kids": which kids?
+"majority of human personality developed at an early age of life" -> "the majority of human personality is developed at an early age of life".
+"their offspring’s what is right", you shouldn't use possession there.
+"majority" was used twice in the second paragraph.
+Never start a sentence with "No doubt that" because this is used in spoken English. In other words, it's informal.
+"the students": which "students"?
+"the importance of attitude to students": not clear meaning.
+Wrong usage of "why" in "it is not the responsibility of any party alone while it would be the combine effort"
+You easily loose track of pronoun as far as I can see. For example, in "the combined effort of both parents and schools to make them", who is "them"? you were writing your conclusion and you didn't even mention it from the first sentence of the same paragraph.