Why do you think artists like writers, musicians and painters still have value in society? Discuss.
In these days of individualism where, every person has his struggle of survival. The medium of relaxation, to attain peace of mind is through books, music and by drowning in thoughts expressed in a painting. henceforth, people in profession of fine arts are always get appreciated. there are few other facts i would like to give light upon.
Firstly, the creative art of a particular community, religion or race restores its cultural heritage. To support that, An artist beautifully presents his cultural prosperity in his work by a novel, painting or a song. for example, the poems, tales written by "Shakespear" picturise the customs of that time. therefore the artist of those days will always stays in peoples heart.
Secondly, music play an important role in peoples life. notably, it controls the emotions of a person. for instance, an experiment has done at work place to see how music affects a work. the results were surprising, the quality and quantity has been improved since pleasant music played. It alter the job atmosphere to a positive one. this is one of the reason why singers, musicians get high recognisation in society.
Finally, the art work done in ancient time help us in understand the technology of the time. because, in ancient times politicians, visionaries, physicians were the only people used to paint so, there painting were not a simple piece of art, they express great meaning, logic and scientific research of that times. to show, the perfect example is the painting of 'monalisa', which has many mysteries hidden in it.
Hence, in this contemporary world, artist are the part of society who stores the time in there work. They entertain, educate and inspire us. these people always have high value in community.
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Discuss and Give Opinion
This critique is meant for the writing from sajeet
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
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You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion along with explanations on why artists still have value in society.
Vocabulary is very good: individualism, survival, heritage.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clearly organised. Good use of transition words: firstly, secondly, therefore, to support that, finally, hence.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
>"days of individualism where, every person has" -> "days of individualism, where every person has"
>Comma is not appropriate here: "the medium of relaxation
, to attain peace of mind is through books
>"Therefore the artist of those days" -> "Therefore, the artist of those days".
>"the painting of 'monalisa', which has" -> "the painting of 'monalisa' which has".
The 2 underlined phrases are actually subject and verb of the sentence. Normally you should put it like this "Subject, which ..., verb".
+This is not a complete sentence: "In these days ... survival". You can't just stop right there.
+Try not to use "through" and "by" like this: "is through books, music and by
" because it's not balanced.
+Capitalisation at the begining of a sentence: "henceforth", "for example".
+Verb: "people in profession of fine arts are
+"To support that, An artist" -> "To support that, an artist".
+"music play an important role" -> "music plays an important role".
+"an experiment has done" -> "an experiment has been done".
+Wrong "a work" (uncountable).
+Plural: "one of the reason" -> "one of the reasons".
+"helps us in understand" -> "helps us in understanding".
+Wrong "Because ... so ...".
+"there painting" -> "their paintings".