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You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However,there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work.Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college.
In the letter describe the situation explain your problems and why it is difficult to work
say what kind of accommodation you would prefer.
How many words? How long?
One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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I am writing to complain about my roommate, who is constantly bothering me during my stay in room.
Currently, I am living in college room with a student who is not cooperative. As you know, final exams are right ahead and I have not completed my final thesis yet. Every night, his friends gather in the room for fun and frolic. They play cards, watch TV and make a lot of noises. Sometimes, I just ignore this but now he is getting used to it.I have talked to this person so many times but it was all in vain.
I have also tried to study at other places such as in the library but it only remains open till 5pm. After that time, I have to leave library. I am in miserable conditions because I have no other choices besides changing room or shifting this guy with someone else.
Most importantly, I got low grades in last semester because I was not able to cover up my whole syllabus.
I hope you will take action accordingly and provide me a feasible solution as soon as possible.
This critique is meant for the writing from faisi
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were not able to achieve the task because you didn't write what kind of accommodation you prefer.
Vocabulary is quite good but you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are quite organised. If each paragraph has its own topic sentence, it would be better.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ Missing article: "I am living in college room" -> "I am living in a college room"
+ on head???
+ "They play cards, watch TV and make some noise
" doesn't sound right.
+ "but all in vain" is not a complete phrase.
+ "other places as well e.g. in the library": you shouldn't use "e.g." as such since it's informal.
+ You overused "as well".
+ Plural: "miserable condition" -> "miserable conditions"
+ Wrong "I could not able": "could" is a modal verb and "able" is an adjective.
+ "take a notice of this matter seriously" sounds very strange.