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IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2 Go To Sample
The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world's cities today. Discuss the main causes. What solutions could be used to tackle this situation.
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One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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It is undeniable that since the industrial revolution, people from the countryside have been attracted to the cities . With the increasing number of people migrating, it has affected the world's cities and led to many problems. In this essay, I will discuss the causes and solutions.
There are main causes of people moving to cities from the rural areas. One is that there are more job potential in the cities than in the countryside. It is a fact that there are more business establishments and good positions for the workforce. Moreover, medical services in the urban areas are more efficient and have a higher number of hospital staff members compared to the local health centers in rural areas. These services are also more accessible to residents in the urban areas when they get sick than to those in the rural areas. Lastly, there is no doubt that technology works better in big cities. Wifi or the usage of the Internet works faster in big cities than in small towns.
However, in spite of the problems, there are a number of solutions to solve this migration problem that has resulted in negative effects to the world's cities. Perhaps one of the main solutions is to improve the quality of life in the countryside by offering better incentives and jobs from the goverments. Doing that helps attract more people to live in the rural areas. Besides that, offering a good health service to prolong life and encouraging people to retire in the countryside should also be considered. In order to do that, the media should be used to promote a healthy and stress free life in the countryside.
To conclude, it is true that migration to larger cities are affected by urbanization. However, some of the solutions have been discussed in this essay. If people are satisfied living in the countryside by providing them their needs then I think migration will not be a big problem.
This critique is meant for the writing from ellechim
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
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You were able to achieve the task by giving your opinions and the possible solutions.
Vocabulary is rich: business establishments, promote, urbanization.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clear, logical and organized. Good use of transition words: however, perhaps, moreover.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare with the original writing.
+punctuation: in this essay, with the increasing number ...
+should be balanced: it has affected ... and caused ... ( it has affected this and caused that)
+wrong: more ... rather than ...
+not a full sentence:
>"considering that medical services in the urban areas ... rural areas"
>"Mainly perhaps by improving the ... and jobs"
+Phrase: "provide somebody something"