The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.
Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002.
The table compares the proportion of three different categories of products and services in five distinctive nations in 2000.
As can be seen from the table, food/drink/tobacco category made up the highest portion of consumer expense in all of five countries, whereas civilians spent the least money on leisure/education in comparison with the percentage of the two other categories in 2000.
Out of five countries, Turkish spent significantly higher than those of the rest of the table on both food/ drinks/tobacco category and leisure/education activities, at about 32% and over 4% respectively. The figure of expenditure for clothing and footwear category in Italy was noticeable larger than any of the other countries, at exactly 9%.
In contrast, Sweden had the lowest proportions of consumer expenditure for food/drinks/tobacco as well as for clothing/footwear at nearly 16% and around 5% respectively. In addition, Spanish spent considerably less than those of the other nations, at only 1.98%.
This critique is meant for the writing from anhnguyen
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were partially able to achieve the task by giving the details of expenditure in the 5 countries in 2002.
Vocabulary is very limited with lots of errors.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are unclear, not well organized. You need to improve your skills in using transition words.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
You should improve your grammar skills because there were many incorrect words.
+ "Proportion" was used incorrectly. For example, the proportion of greenhouse gases is rising. When you say "the proportion of three different categories of products and services", it doesn't show these figures are the expenditures of consumers on the categories.
+ "Civilians" are people who do not belong to the armed forces of their countries. The topic asks you about consumers' spending so when you use civilians
, it actually refers to a smaller group of a country.
+ "noticeable larger" is wrong because they are both adjectives.
+ Incorrect usage of transition words "In addition, Spanish spent considerably...." For example, Peter is a great singer. In addition, he can dance very well.
From the example, you can see that the second phase actually gives extra information about the same subject. In your last paragraph, you use in addition
incorrectly because in the first phase, you were talking about Sweden and food/drinks/tobacco as well as clothing/footwear but in the second phase, you talked about Spanish and their expenditure on leisure and education.