Some people see that university education is essential for successful life, while other don’t find it true. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
The word success is a very subjective term. People have different definitions and perceptions about a successful and fulfilled life. Many people believe that university education is highly essential for a prosperous life while other don’t find it true. In this paper, I'm going to discuss both views and give my own thought on it.
Undoubtedly, it is more beneficial for students to finish their studies firstly because academic qualifications are required in many professions. For example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having relevant degrees. As a result, university graduates have access to more and better job opportunities, and they tend to earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications. Secondly, nowadays the job market is becoming increasingly competitive and sometimes there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a company. Hence, young people who do not have qualifications from a recommended university or college will not be as competent as others.
However, there are other people who achieve a lot without going to college. In today's society, many youngsters want to start earning money as soon as possible. In this way, they become more independent and able to afford their own expenses or start a family. They may have a chance to progress more quickly from their practical skills and real experience of work.
Summing it up, I am in favour of university education because only a few people have got real talent to achieve name and fame in a short span of time. However, shortcuts do not work for everyone.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Discuss and Give Opinion
This critique is meant for the writing from batra08
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by discussing both view and giving your own opinion on the matter.
Vocabulary is good: subjective, professions, short span.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clear. Good use of transition words: undoubtedly, as a result, however, summing it up.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+"term" is countable: "a very subjective term"
+Can improve the way of expressing your idea here: "Different people have definitions and perceptions" -> "people different have definitions and perceptions"
+"successful and fulfilled life" -> "a successful and fulfilled life"
+Try to avoid "some": "Some people believe" -> "Many people believe"
+For the introduction, you should conclude with what you are going to do in your essay.
+Inappropriate way of using "continue" and "firstly": "it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies firstly"
When you use "continue", you mean an ongoing activity. Next, "firstly" is usually used to refer to something already done.
It's more natural to say "it is more beneficial for students to finish
their studies firstly"
+This sentence is too long: "it is ... students to ... because academic qualifications ... for example; it is impossible to ... the relevant degree."
+Wrong "become doctor" -> "become a doctor"
+Wrong usage of "the" in "the relevant degree".
+"little qualification" -> "fewer qualifications"
+Try to start a sentence with "So": "So, young people who"
+"qualification" -> "qualifications"
+Do not start a sentence with "But", use "However" instead.