In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior.
what do you think are the causes of this?
what solutions can you suggest?
Negative student behavior in school environment has become alarmingly high about which many people are concerned. School managers mention the steady growth of these trends will damage the education system. I believe that you can find the reasons of this disorder in our educational environments and non-qualified teachers.
It is strongly proved that the atmosphere has a significant effect on human reactions. Low air quality standards, lacking of air conditioning, insufficient space for playing, crowded environments are some examples that scientists have proven to be linked to students behavior. The reason is that students are young and energetic so they need to have more outdoor activities. Governments should modify school standards and allocate more subsidies to school managers to reorganize the facilities and space and also to change the shape of our educational area from an office to a calm place for our students.
Besides that, most of our teachers and school managers are not qualified personnel. Statistics show that just three out of twenty five teachers in my country have passed mental related courses and are familiar with some basic needs of students and youngsters. The results attributed to our school managers is worst by just three persons out of a hundred which indicates that there is a strong demand for using of psychologists and educational consultants to plan a appropriate program.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
IELTS Opinion Essays
This critique is meant for the writing from amirameri83
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were not able to achieve the task. You are supposed to pinpoint the causes and to suggest your solutions. However, you mentioned only the causes but not the solutions.
Vocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are poorly organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ "effective point" is not what you meant. Effective is to be successful in producing a desired or intended result.
+ Student behaviour is the main problem not "Complaining about students' reactions". It's wrong to write "Complaining about students' reactions in school environment becomes ...".
+ "Behavior" is different from "reactions". "Reaction" is how you respond to an event.
+ Plural: "the steady growth of these trend" -> "the steady growth of these trends".
+ Wrong "a significant effects": you used "a" but "effects" is in plural form.
+ "inadequate space" -> "insufficient space". Try to understand the difference between them. It can somhow improve your level of English. Otherwise, you can post a question below.
+ You shouldn't use "so on" in your essay. The sentence you used it already meant there were more things like that.
+ "young and fresh" -> it sounds like "fresh meat" ???
+ "Since students are young": when you use "since", there must be 2 clauses.
+ "modify" is not a correct word to use in that context.
+ "The other effective point": did you mention it before?
+ "experted"??? It's not a correct word.