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IELTS Writing Sample

Society with High Proportion of Senior People

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IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2 Go To Sample

In many countries,the proportion of older people is steadily increasing.Does this trend have more negative effects or positive effects on society?

How many words? How long?

One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)

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Due to the population ageing problem, governments are forced to take appropriate actions urgently to cope with the situation. Actually, there have been a number of fierce debates concerning this issue. However, this ageing problem has still been escalating over the past few years.

According to the recent demographic statistics from National Bureaus, the elderly population will be over 60 per cent in the next two decades. This implies a severe impact on the economy, public health services, and infrastructures. The manufacturing industry will be the one that would be affected first. Because of the lack of productive workers, the production process will not be effectively performed. However, it is not the most serious consequence. Rather, the most affected activity would be health services. It is outrageous that older people live in a facility with poor equipment and be looked after by someone without having taken training courses. There might be a fewer number of trained staff who is capable of taking care of elderly people. This will probably become one of the most common issues in the whole world.

Even though this trend is negative, elderly people certainly have made many contributions to our society. Helping their children to look after grandchildren is one of the most obvious examples. They also have significant impacts on passing down their knowledge which can assist the companies they used to work in training new staff.

To sum up, the increasing proportion of older people seems to have more negative impacts on society. However, it is also undeniable that they have a huge number of contributions to our society.


This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Discuss and Give Opinion  
Critique
This critique is meant for the writing from saikou999. This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected. Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction to understand this critique!

+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were not fully able to achieve the task. It's more about the trend whether it's good or bad for a society, it's not about whether elderly people are good or bad.

+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is sometimes wrongly used.

+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are not clearly organised.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.

PERSONAL ADVICE:
+In your introduction, you didn't cleary state your viewpoint on "Does this trend have more negative effects or positive effects on society?".
+"government" -> "governments".
+"forced to take any appropriate action" -> "forced to take appropriate actions".
+The meaning of this "take any appropriate action to come up with solutions" is very confusing. You said they have to take actions, then again coming up with solutions. Actually, they are both quite the same in this context.
+After a period or comma, you should leave a space: ".Indeed, it has been".
+What did you mean by "it" in "it has been through some fierce debates" -> not clear.
+I believe you would want to say "the demographics from National Bureaus" not "the demographics of national bureaus". Ex: "Demographics of the United States", "Demographics of Nigeria".
+"demographics" -> "demographic statistics".
+Not clear: "ageing population will account its census proportion for over 60 per cent in two decades".
+Wrong usage of "Indeed". It is only used when you are mentioning the same idea a second time.
+No need to exaggerate things "The manufacturing industry will be the first rage group of the society". Just use normal structures and sentences to express your ideas!
+Wrong usage of "Whereas". It is used only when comparing and contrasting 2 events happenning almost at the same time. In your case, you were using it to give extra information to support similar ideas.
+In the whole essay, you used "health problems" which I guess you actually meant "health services".
+Wrong way of expressing ideas: "Despite the negative effects,older people still make contributions to our society."
>It means something different: even though older people have made negavtive impacts, they still have some contributions.
+The way you expressed your ideas in the third paragraph is very confusing.
+You should improve your ability in distinguishing subjects and verbs. Your sentence was wrong "some people might disagree that support older people is a good idea".



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IELTS Writing Sample

Mandatory Financial Education

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

Financial education should be mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Go To Sample

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IELTS Writing Word Count and IELTS Writing Time

IELTS Writing Task 1:
Timing: 20 minutes
Minimum word count: 150

IELTS Writing Task 2:
Timing: 40 minutes
Minimum word count: 250

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 1

There are 2 different formats. One is for the Academic module and the other is for the General module. However, for both modules, you will have to produce a writing of 150 words based on the given information.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - General Module
You are supposed to write a letter.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - Academic Module
You will be given a task based on some pictorial or graphic information. You have to describe the information provided.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 1

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

This task is more difficult than IELTS Writing Task 1
You have to write at least 250 words and, as Task 2 is longer than Task 1, you are advised to spend approximately 40 minutes on this task and 20 minutes on the first task.
You are expected to produce a writing on a given topic and to organise your answer correctly, giving some examples to support your ideas.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 2

Give your writing a good structure

1) Introduction is a must. You don't believe you could get a good grade without introduction, do you?

2) Body: 3 paragraphs are also necessary. Three is a magical number. It can do wonders to your overall band score.

3) Conclusion. You do not want to infuse your examiner with a feeling of incompleteness.

A Good Outline before you write is essential

What you are going to write in your essay? Write down the key ideas as short as possible.

An outline sample
Introduction - Topic and opinion in short
Paragraph 1 - staff working conditions are important
Paragraph 2 - employers should research and improve the working conditions
Paragraph 3 - concentrating more on their product is bad
Conclusion - Short summary of paragraphs

How will your essay look like?

Is it everything?

No, the structure you have just seen is a structure for an opinion essay.

What does it mean?

It means there are many different types of essays. If you go through our website, you can see that under IELTS Writing Task 1 and Task 2, there are different categories.
You need to go through each of them and study the structure for the particular writing type.

I do know the structure of an IELTS Writing but why I didn't score high in the exam?

There are many reasons. One of the many reasons is lacking of linking words.
Did you use linking words?
They would make your structure clearer and therefore improve your overal score.

Linking Words or Transitional Words

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This is how your essay is graded

There are 4 components: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Task Response means to what extend your essay covers the topic. For example, if the topic is "The advantages and disadvantages of globalization", you would have to write about both aspects not just only advantages or just only disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion means how well your paragraphs and sentences are connected. If your first paragraph is about advantages of globalisation, you should start your second paragraph with phrases such as "Despite the advantages, there are many disadvantages we should be aware of". Otherwise, your essay is just a list of items which are not related to each other.

Lexical Resource means vocabulary and different types of sentences, simple and complex. You should be able to demonstrate your capability in using English.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy means spelling and grammar of sentences. You should be able to spell the words correctly, do not forget articles “a” and “the”, punctuations is also important.

One more important thing to know: the four criteria are equally weighted. It means that if you forgot about “Coherence and Cohesion” in your essay, you will loose 1/4 of your essay points.