Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree with idea?
Over the past decades, computing technology has been going through an unbelievable development. Today possessing desktop or portable computers which are frequently used to surf the Internet or just to work is the norm of the society. Thus, I agree with the statement that people who cannot work with them will be disadvantaged. This argument will be proven by considering how computer science has changed our everyday life and why it is required for our work.
Firstly, information technology and the advent of the Internet have made sweeping changes in people’s life. For instance, we spend a fair amount of time in front of the computer not just for entertainment purposes, but also for managing bank accounts, buying household items and keeping contact with the extended family and friends. Hence, it can be seen that having a personal computer provide us many new opportunities as well as making our life easier. From this point of view, it is clear that non-computer users will experience a huge drawback sooner or later.
In addition, almost every job requires the proper use of these machines. For example, as a secretary, one needs to be familiar with office equipments such as multifunction printers, copiers, fax machines and certainly with many popular software products such as Word, Excel. As a result, it is acknowledged that the mentioned skills are needed in a number of circumstances. In other words, the disadvantages that non-users are facing in the labour market are clear.
In conclusion, the degree that information technology has changed our life and working environment is significant. Therefore, it has been proven that people who are not catching up with the development will be disadvantaged. Thus, trying to get familiar with computers is recommended.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Agree or Disagree
This critique is meant for the writing from katehell
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by showing whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
Vocabulary is varied: advent, fair amount of, non-computer users, drawback, multifunction, household.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
There are a number of transition words used: thus, from this point of view, as a result, in addition, in conclusion.
The structure is very clear.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Grammatical errors have been corrected such as wrong usage of "the", subject verb agreement, abbreviations.
+Please consider this phrase "looking at how computer science has both changed our everyday life and is required for our work". It's wrong because if you say "has both changed" at the beginning, you should also use present perfect after "and".
+pay more attention to the usage of "the"
+subject verb agreement is not totally correct
+try to avoid "some", "so on": In academic writing, everything must be concrete and clear.
is correct. Works
in your writing is incorrect.
+don't use abbreviations such as PC
in your writing.
+try to use academic words and more passive sentences.
+The only time you should use “for one” by itself to give an example of something is when you have earlier mentioned a class to which the example belongs: “There are a lot of reasons I don’t want your old car. For one, there are squirrels living in the upholstery.” (One reason.)