Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people’s standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives. Do you agree or disagree?
In many countries, modern life has improved people’s standards of living, but generally people seem to be not happy with their lives. This can be regarded as a surprise with the level of prosperity at a historic high. I will show that improvements in people’s living conditions do not necessarily advance people’s overall feeling of happiness as there might be many other factors which are possibly more important.
To begin, happiness is hard to be defined as different people may have very different concepts of happiness, but direct correlating standard of living with happiness is likely to be oversimplifying their relationship. While good life conditions certainly contribute to happiness, people in poor countries frequently express a surprisingly high level of happiness in opinion polls. For some people, fulfilling work and social relationships probably add more to happiness than being able to afford luxury goods.
Furthermore, people might not even compare their current standards of living to the standard of the past. Instead, they are more likely to see how they are catching up with their neighbours or community. Hence, in their perception, their standards of living might not even seem to be not as high as the ones of their peers. In addition, in countries with high standards of living, an improvement might not make a major difference to individual's living standards.
Also, economic advancement comes with some side effects for the entire society and individuals. While it improves prosperity it can hurt other social requirements and needs. There might be more traffic and pollution. Everybody might face higher pressures as well as greater levels of complexity in the work place and might find less time to spent with families and friends.
Happiness is humankind‘s never-ending quest and improving living standards is probably not the only or even the central key to it. Economists are already looking for a more suitable way of measuring happiness than wealth. Personally, I think people and societies in the future should focus less on economic advancement but on more sustainable ways to reach happiness.
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Agree or Disagree
This critique is meant for the writing from katisss
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Vocabulary is very good: quest, never-ending, wealth, economists.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are not well organised. Good use of transition words: In addition, furthermore, to begin.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
>"In many countries modern life has improved"
>"To begin, "
>"While it improves prosperity, it..."
>"For some people,"
+Redundancy: "but people seem nevertheless generally not more happy"
>"nevertheless" means "In spite of that" (opposite)
>"but" also means something happens unexpectedly.
+Wrong position of preposition:
>"seem to be generally not ..." -> "generally people seem to be ..."
>"necessary" -> "necessarily"
>"is likely oversimplifying" -> "is likely to be oversimplifying" ( be likely to )
>"directly correlating standard of living with happiness" -> "direct correlating standard of living with happiness"
>"happiness is hard to define" -> "happiness is hard to be defined"
>"seem to be" not just "seem not happier"
>"not more happy" -> "happier"
>"standard of living" -> "standards of living"
>"a surprisingly high levels" -> "a surprisingly high level"
+Wrong meaning "hold up":
a. To carry or support (the body or a bodily part) in a certain position: Can the baby hold herself up yet? Hold up your leg.
b. To cover (the ears or the nose, for example) especially for protection: held my nose against the stench.
+Wrong way of expressing:
>"as other factors might play an important role"
>"very high relative to their peers"
>"It remains to hope that"
+Never start a sentence with "So": "So in their perception"
+Wrong "In additional in countries" -> "In addition,"
+Wrong usage of "the" in "an improvement might not make a major difference to the individual"