Even though globalization affects the world's economics in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Do you agree or disagree?
Globalization offers the capability to exchange ideas among people from different countries. In today's society, we can see branded items manufactured in foreign countries almost everywhere. Personally, I do not think that it only has the positive side and therefore I'm going to explain the reasons in my essay.
Apparently, cultural exchanges are one of the biggest advantages from globalisation where people from any corners of the world wear the same Nike T-shirts, Adidas shoes and have the same type of food such as Mc Donald. Also people have similar interests even though they are from different countries. We can get the same materials with same quality and similar prices for many products around the world.
Even though a good lot of positive advantages in globalization, we must consider the negative view regardless of the above points. The foreign company installed their company in developing countries and making good money by recruiting a local people. Marketer sucking the worker’s blood by giving an overtime duty with less paid for their duty. The government should stare to this issue and an offer becomes more benefits towards employees. This may recuperate to the worker credits. Mostly, the people who are to be interested to adopt western culture, there are neither their traditional nor western culture. It has been only myth among all.
In sum up, the benefits or non-benefit of globalization is depends on the people outlook. According to my point view, globalization is employing a good advantages to whom wish to change the cultural, tradition and life style.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Agree or Disagree
This critique is meant for the writing from saravanan
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinions whether you agree or disagree with the topic.
Vocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are poorly organised. Topic sentences couldn't show the main ideas of paragraphs.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ "Globalization offers to exchange" is not correct. For example: His university offers
a wide range of courses so that everyone's needs can be accommodated.
+ Try not to use "nowadays" too frequently.
+ "the branded items which they manufactured": did you mention which items before?
+ "I do not personally think that" and "personally I do not think" are 2 different things. If you are not clear, please leave a question below.
+ It's extremely confusing here: "I do not think that it has not give any weakness into the people".
+ "Of course it could given a lot of..." is not formal. You shouldn't use "of course" in your writing.
+ "it could given" is completely wrong. After "could", you should use bare infinitives. For example: I couldn't finish the exam because it's so lengthy.
+ In your 2nd paragraph, "it could given a lot of cultural exchanges where we can see...": this is your topic sentence. Did you clearly say what it's all about? Every paragraph should have its own idea which can be easily recognised from the topic sentence.
+ "where we can see the
people wear a": which people are you talking about?
+ "people wear a Nike T-shirt": many people share the same T-shirt? really?
+ "Adidas shoe"??? only one shoe? we need a pair of shoes to wear.
+ "each field"? which field? you use "each" when you already mentioned something. For example: I like those pens. Each of them is very unique in design.