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IELTS Writing Sample

Punishment for Criminals

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IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2 Go To Sample

Should criminals be sent to prison or should they do something else as a punishment? Explain your opinion and give your reasons.

How many words? How long?

One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)

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How to treat criminals, put them in jail or do something else, is a tough question for people. Some people think they deserve to suffer strict punishments such as depriving of their freedom because they need to pay for what they did. The rest think they should be treated in a better way as not all criminals are bad. As for me, I cannot agree more with the view that imprisonment plays a more effective role in rehabilitating them.

According to the question specified above there are two ways to treat criminals, the first one is to send them to prison while the other is something else different from that, which I regard as not imprisoning them. Hence, here comes the problem, how to guarantee people’s safety while the law breakers are still around them. They will probably commit more crimes again. In other words, imprisonment is a good method to prevent them from approach to other people and their properties.

From psychological aspects, people naturally cannot bear to stay in a small sealed room for long because it makes them uncomfortable. The conditions in a prison are one example of that. Therefore, a prison is a harsh environment for those people against laws. At the same time, it can be used to warn them so that they will never try to do anything illegally. Moreover, it also deters potential criminals from committing crimes. As a result, crime rates can be reduced and everybody can embrace a brighter future.

From children’s upbringing aspect, sending criminals to prison makes a pieceful social atmosphere wherein children can be nurtured better without having any distractions on unhealthy information caused by those criminals such as violence and pornography on TV or on Internet. The closer they get to bad information, the higher possibility it is for them to imitate those misdeeds. As a consequence, they may become potential criminals and will cause damages to the society.

Being strict to those criminals is necessary for government. Firstly, they should be isolated from the rest of the society in the interest of a brighter future. Alternatively, education and labor jobs could play a supplementary role in this aspect.


This writing is found under the following category(ies):
IELTS Opinion Essays  
Critique
This critique is meant for the writing from maomao. This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected. Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction to understand this critique!

+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were not able to achieve the task. You are supposed to give your opinion on imprisoning criminals and if you disagree, you should give your own thought on whatelse can be done instead of that. However, in the second paragraph, you were assuming imprisoning and not imprisoning which is not the case here.

+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is sufficient but not wisely used. Many are not used in an academic way.

+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are organised. Some transitional words were misused.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.

PERSONAL ADVICE
+The way you wrote the introduction was not academic: "How to treat criminals, put them in jail or do something else, is a tough question".
+Considering "How to treat ... for people. Some of them ...", you should only use "some of them" when you are mentioning a particular group of people whom you have mentioned earlier in your essay.
+"strict punishment" -> "strict punishments".
+No need to have comma here: "Some people think ... freedom, because they need to".
+"The rest think they should have treated" -> "The rest think they should be treated".
+Extremely confusing: "they should be treated in a better way as they once were kind".
+"I cannot disagree with" is somewhat like you are unable to do something.
+Wrong: "the first one is sent them to" .
+It's not about restricting criminals: "According to the question specified above there are two ways to restrict criminals".
+"What’s more": not academic.
+"simultaneously" is used when refering to 2 activities happening at the same point in time and normally in short periods of time.
+You shouldn't put "for example" at the end of a sentence because it's usually used in spoken English not in academic writing.
+Wrong usage of "therefore": "without having any distractions ... Therefore, the closer they get to the bad information".
+In the summary paragraph, never introduce new ideas "education and labor jobs could play a supplementary role".



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IELTS Writing Sample

Mandatory Financial Education

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

Financial education should be mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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We are updating this writing outline. Please come back later!

IELTS Writing Word Count and IELTS Writing Time

IELTS Writing Task 1:
Timing: 20 minutes
Minimum word count: 150

IELTS Writing Task 2:
Timing: 40 minutes
Minimum word count: 250

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 1

There are 2 different formats. One is for the Academic module and the other is for the General module. However, for both modules, you will have to produce a writing of 150 words based on the given information.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - General Module
You are supposed to write a letter.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - Academic Module
You will be given a task based on some pictorial or graphic information. You have to describe the information provided.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 1

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

This task is more difficult than IELTS Writing Task 1
You have to write at least 250 words and, as Task 2 is longer than Task 1, you are advised to spend approximately 40 minutes on this task and 20 minutes on the first task.
You are expected to produce a writing on a given topic and to organise your answer correctly, giving some examples to support your ideas.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 2

Give your writing a good structure

1) Introduction is a must. You don't believe you could get a good grade without introduction, do you?

2) Body: 3 paragraphs are also necessary. Three is a magical number. It can do wonders to your overall band score.

3) Conclusion. You do not want to infuse your examiner with a feeling of incompleteness.

A Good Outline before you write is essential

What you are going to write in your essay? Write down the key ideas as short as possible.

An outline sample
Introduction - Topic and opinion in short
Paragraph 1 - staff working conditions are important
Paragraph 2 - employers should research and improve the working conditions
Paragraph 3 - concentrating more on their product is bad
Conclusion - Short summary of paragraphs

How will your essay look like?

Is it everything?

No, the structure you have just seen is a structure for an opinion essay.

What does it mean?

It means there are many different types of essays. If you go through our website, you can see that under IELTS Writing Task 1 and Task 2, there are different categories.
You need to go through each of them and study the structure for the particular writing type.

I do know the structure of an IELTS Writing but why I didn't score high in the exam?

There are many reasons. One of the many reasons is lacking of linking words.
Did you use linking words?
They would make your structure clearer and therefore improve your overal score.

Linking Words or Transitional Words

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This is how your essay is graded

There are 4 components: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Task Response means to what extend your essay covers the topic. For example, if the topic is "The advantages and disadvantages of globalization", you would have to write about both aspects not just only advantages or just only disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion means how well your paragraphs and sentences are connected. If your first paragraph is about advantages of globalisation, you should start your second paragraph with phrases such as "Despite the advantages, there are many disadvantages we should be aware of". Otherwise, your essay is just a list of items which are not related to each other.

Lexical Resource means vocabulary and different types of sentences, simple and complex. You should be able to demonstrate your capability in using English.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy means spelling and grammar of sentences. You should be able to spell the words correctly, do not forget articles “a” and “the”, punctuations is also important.

One more important thing to know: the four criteria are equally weighted. It means that if you forgot about “Coherence and Cohesion” in your essay, you will loose 1/4 of your essay points.