In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels?
Crime is increasing rapidly in many cities due to many facts. Governments should find a way to reduce crimes, before it’s too late.
Reason of growing crime rate everywhere mainly is because of economy. It effects people’s main source of salary. In a situation where money is harder to acquire, everyone starts to find ways to get it, the easiest way is by committing crimes. As bad economy continues, more crime rate surely will grow.
In addition, another reason that crime is increasing is that the police forces don’t know how to handle the situation correctly. It may be from the lack of management skill by the government or somehow an impossible task was given, such as the government order polices to reduce crime rate to zero percent in a very high density area.
Therefore, the first priority for the governments is to try to strengthen their economy, in order to make people’s life easier. They should try to use their available resources in the right tasks. Learning from the history is one of a great option. However, increasing of police force in both numbers and efficiency should be done together along with government own objectives. Imagine a strong economic city without any police force patrolling them.
With the right decision from the governments, and the tasks that handle correctly, along with better economic. It is surely that increasing of crimes in every cities will stop, along with better everyday life for everyone.
This critique is meant for the writing from James
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by giving your opinions on why this trend is happening and what the governments should do.
Vocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are poorly organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ Wrong "every cities" -> "many cities".
+ "due to many facts": they are not facts. If they were fact, we wouldn't have to explain further.
+ "Governments should find a way ...": you are supposed to suggest solutions. In this context, it doesn't matter whether the Governments can find the solutions or not.
+ Requirement "In many cities crime is increasing"
> Your answer "Crime is increasing rapidly in many cities"
=> You wouldn't get a good mark for repeating the topic.
+ Wrong "Reason of growing crime rate everywhere mainly"
> "Reason" is a countable noun.
+ 2 Errors here: "everyone start to find another ways" -> "everyone starts to find ways"
+ Wrong "easiest way" -> "the easiest way"
+ "easiest way is by": you are translating word by word from your own language. "By" is not used as such.
+ Redundancy: "In addition, another reason
that crime is increasing". You use "in addition" when you want to introduce new ideas. You need not use "another reason" which also means the same thing.
+ "due to the police forces" is wrong. For example: she couldn't study MBA due to her financial problems. As you can see, after "due to", we should say the causes not just saying "due to the police forces".