Children Over 15 years should be allowed to take their own Decision without any Interference from Their Parents. Do You Agree or Disagree?
Children over 15 years of age are considered matured. They can make their own decision by themselves and also know what their responsibilities are. I totally agree with the point that they should be allowed to make their own decision for life without restrictions from their parents.
Most children of age over 15 years will either be in their last year of secondary school or in their first year of High School. If they are allowed to make their own decisions for life at this time of their life, they will be more focused in achieving their targets. On the other hand, if they are not allowed to do or make decisions for themselves they will not be more dedicated towards it. For example, if you are interested in a subject and you want to study it. Your interest towards the subject makes you do research or explore more about it from many different sources. This makes you more knowledgeable about the subject. But if you have no interest in it, then you just do what you are told to do and nothing more. The reason is that you are more dedicated to the work you choose by yourself than to the work chosen by someone else.
However, parents should get involved in guiding their children into the right path since children are very likely to make wrong decisions. That is why parents should play the role of guiding them to the right path and also support them to reach their goals and successes.
In conclusion, allowing children to make their own decisions will also help them boast their self-confidence and will also teach them to take responsibilities by themselves. After all you become happy when you get to do what you wished to.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Agree or Disagree
This critique is meant for the writing from kamlesh
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by showing whether you agree or disagree with the topic and giving supporting examples.
Vocabulary is quite good but you still need to improve. As I noticed, you make more errors with articles "a", "the" and plural nouns.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are quite organised but do not have clear topic sentences.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ Very good introduction. Simple and not repeating the requirement.
+ The second paragraph is not very good because it doesn't have a topic sentence.
+ "their last year of secondary school level" -> "their last year of secondary school"
+ Plural "make their own decision for life" -> "make their own decisions for life"
+ Wrong "In the other hand" -> "On the other hand".
> "In the other hand" is not an idiom. It's simply saying that you are holding something in the "other" hand.
+ You were totally confused about articles "a", "the", subject verb agreement and how to use plurals here:
"For example, if you are interested in some subject and you want to study it. Your interest towards the subjects make you do research or explore more about it from other outer sources. This makes you more knowledgeable about the subject."
+ Fragmented "Because you are more dedicated to the work you choose ...". Never write a sentence which only includes one phrase starting with "because". For example, you can write: "He passed the exam because he studied very hard this semester". From that, you can see there are 2 phrases with the second one used to indicate the reason.
+ "Works" is incorrect because it's uncountable: "the works chosen by someone else"
+ You repeated ideas in the 3rd paragraph too many times.
+ In the conclusion, you introduced new ideas which were not mentioned earlier: "... will also help them ..."
> it's not a right way to write an academic essay.