You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic:
What factors are related to academic success in high school students? Write at least 250 words.
Academic success is measured by our achievements in school. There are many factors which play a decisive role in the level of academic success.
The most important aspect is a student's willpower. In order to succeed, a student must have self-control and have an ambition to succeed. This goes hand in hand with a student's desire and aim. The student must want to learn and he must also aim to get the most out of his education. He must know that academic success is vital in order to get a stimulating and rewarding job in the future.
Besides that, equally important factors include diligence and hard work. This implies that work should be the highest priority, homework is completed promptly and fully understood, and no lessons should be skipped. A good example of hard work paying off is about the great Russian scientist Lomonosov. He was born in the family of an angler, a type of fisherman. At that time people of his social class could not receive higher education. In spite of this, at the age of 19, Lomonosov decided to go to Moscow in order to quench his thirst for knowledge. Upon arriving, he entered the academy under false credentials, claiming instead that he was the son of a priest. However, due to his hard work he eventually became a great scientist and founded the university which is now named after him. This university has given the world many great scholars in all fields of science, many of whom have subsequently become laureates of Nobel Prizes.
To summarize, education is a very fundamental part of society. Undoubtedly, academic success is an achievement from educational work. If any student can try his best in order to achieve academic success, he will become an important member of the society; as it is commonly known that an educated population is the driving force in a country's economy.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
IELTS Opinion Essays
This critique is meant for the writing from milaniyamiila
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by giving your opinions about factors related to academic success.
Vocabulary is very rich: quench someone's thirst for knowledge, laureates, credentials
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clear, logical and organized. Good use of transition words: however, in order to.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Grammatical errors have been corrected.
Incompleted sentence: "Originally born in the family of an angler, a type of fisherman."
In the introduction, "our" actually refers to the "academic success".
Punctuation after "in order to".
wrong usage of "however". "However" is used when contradicting 2 situations.
"example" about something in the 3rd paragraph.(This is very subjective)
Capitalisation should be used carefully like "Angler".
"at the time of something"
"no doubt" is more informal
Pay more attention to preposition "in" and "from"
Redundancy: "If any one student applies his or herself as best they can..." .
Pay more attention to punctuation ";" at the end.