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IELTS Writing Sample - Task 1 Go To Sample
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
How many words? How long?
One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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The line graph above reveals data about the percentage of people at the age of 65 and older in Sweden, Japan and the USA, over a century between 1940 and 2040.
Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there were and will be steady upward trends in the proportion of elderly people in both Sweden and the United States, whilst in Japan, people will witness a substantial rise by the end of the period in question.
Looking at the details, as regards the USA, the percentage began at approximately 9% in 1940, then there was a significant increase to nearly 15% in the next forty years wherein it has fluctuated between 15% and 14%. Following this, projections show that there will be a sharp increase, finishing at about 23% in 2040. If we look at Sweden, the trend is similar. Having started at around 7% in 1940, there has been then a gradual improvement to exactly 20% by 2012. However, this was followed by a decline to roughly 17% in the second half of 2020. There will be then a leap to 25% in 2040.
By contrast, the figure of Japan differs a bit. Having fluctuated between 5% and 3% throughout the first 70 years, the rate of people aged 65 and over will surge to approximately 25% by 2030, and then there will be a negligible increase to somewhere about 27% in 2040 being the peak level of elderly people in Japan during the whole period.
This critique is meant for the writing from chris90
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by summarising the key ideas of the graph.
Vocabulary is excellent and you have demonstrated your ability in using a wide range of vocabulary.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Very well organised structure of the essay.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ Very good introduction. You clearly mentioned the main features of the graph without repeating the requirement
+ "Japan will have witnessed" -> "Japan will witness": future perfect is normally used with time clauses.
+ "the percentage in Japan will have witnessed a substantial rise": No, it's not the percentage that will witness. It's a number not a person.
+ "at which point it has fluctuated between 15% and 14%": no, it's not a point in time but a period of time.