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You are a tourist and have settled into the hotel. Although your room was booked in advance through a travel agency, you discover that there is no balcony, the entrance is under the staircase and the window opens on to the road. Write a letter to the travel agency manager asking her/him for a refund of the cost of the accommodation.
How many words? How long?
One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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I am Ravi Kumar Nadipalli. I have checked in to the Hotel Holiday Inn in Munnar since yesterday's night. I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction about the hotel room that is booked for my stay.
I have booked the room through your travel agency two months back which is well in advance. Disappointedly, I found that the booked room is not having balcony whereas I expected to have a panoramic view from balcony. The entrance of the room is under the staircase which is not comfortable for us as height of the staircase is low and we have to bend while moving in and out of the room. And lastly the only one window in the room opens on to the road which brings in dust and sound pollution.
I am not satisfied with the room and it is very disappointing. I came here with my family to take rest from my day to day work and to leisure for some days in this Hill station. Please try to understand the problem and provide me another room in this hotel or in some other hotel which is good and satisfying the above said conditions. If you are not able to provide me one, please refund me the cost of the accommodation as it didn’t solve the purpose. I appreciate your immediate attention to this matter and resolve it as soon as possible. Please do not hesitate to contact me on my mobile no. 1234562566 for any additional information.
I look forward to hear from you soon.
Ravi Kumar Nadipalli
This critique is meant for the writing from numravi
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task and fulfill all the requirements.
Vocabulary is strong and flexible.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Need to pay more attention to grammar. Please compare this with the original writing.
+ Since you used "I have checked", you shouldn't have used "yesterday night" like that. Rather you can write "I have checked ... since yesterday night".
+ "yesterday night" -> "yesterday's night"
+ You shouldn't use "But" with only one clause: "But I found that the booked ...". You should consider using other words/phrases such as "However". For example: "I tried my best to fix my laptop yesterday but
it's still not working" (2 clauses here).
+ "I look forward to hear" -> "I look forward to hearing"