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Large tree grows just near your house, producing troubles for you. Write a letter to local authority explaining this problem, discuss the ways of its resolution and make enquiries about financial aspect.
How many words? How long?
One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to inform you about the large tree that grows on the right hand side of the driveway leading to my house. Unfortunately, this tree is causing many inconveniences to me and my family. Its crown prevents sunlight from reaching the windows of the children's room. As the tree was planted in violations of the Council Legislation in that the distance between the trunk and the wall of the house is too short, it knocks on the window in strong wind. In the last gale, two windows were smashed by the branches of the tree, which costs me roughly 100 dollars. In my viewpoint, it is my right to sleep without fears of a branch breaking my window at night, or becoming injured due to broken branches or glass.
Having explained the issue, I believe that there are no other options better than simply cutting the tree down or at least trimming the majority of the branches. As for expenses, I am happy to negotiate the expense for the work and removal of excess debris. I suppose it would be reasonable for both of us.
Please contact me on 12345678, or at firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange the date and the time when a crew of your workers is able to come to my house to deal with this serious problem.
I look forward to receiving your positive reply.
This critique is meant for the writing from milaniyamiila
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by showing:
1) What is the problem
3) finance related enquiries
Vocabulary is varied: driveway, inconveniences, violations, trim, expenses.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
There are a number of transition words used: unfortunately, as for.
The structure is very clear.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Grammatical errors have been fixed.
>Pay more attention to "right hand" and "right hand side"
>Wrong to use : The crown of it => its crown OR the crown of the tree
>redundancy: as.... therefore.... ("As" here is equivalent to "Because", you can't use "therefore" in the second phrase)
>"During" is used for a process or something which is happening => not appropriate
>Punctuation: comma after During ... or In....
Please bear in mind that, punctuation is also very important in IELTS tests.