The graph below shows the total value of exports and the value of fuel, food and manufactured goods exported by one country from 2000 to 2005.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graphs show the relation between the total value of exports , the value of fuel, food and manufactured goods exported between the period 2000 and 2005.
The first graph represents the value of total exports between the years 2000 and 2005. The total exports were 300000 million dollars in 2000. There was a steady decline till the total exports value reached 250000 million dollars at 2002. The value of total exports increased with a linear rate till it reach 350000 million dollars in 2003. The trend was then on a continuous rise and peaked at $420000 million in 2005.
The value of selected exports over the period from 2000 to 2005 was shown in the second graph. The value of food fluctuated slightly over the period below 10000 million dollars. The manufactured food increased from under 20000 million dollars to around $25000 million in 2002 and then dropped to 20000 million dollars in 2003 followed by a rise to a new peak in 2005.The fuel value plunged from a peak value in 2000 to a minimum value in 2005 of 20000 million dollars.
This critique is meant for the writing from mostafa
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by describing the trends shown in the 2 graphs.
Vocabulary is fairly good but wrongly used in many places in the essay.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are clearly organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ After reading your essay, we noticed you are very weak at using prepositions.
+ You shouldn't repeat the requirement "the total value of exports and the value of fuel, food and manufactured goods exported".
+ Wrong "between the period 2000 and 2005"
> Right: between 2000 and 2005
> Right: in the period from 2000 to 2005
> Right: in the period between 2000 and 2005
+ Simple Past:
> "the total exports value reach 250000 million dollars at 2002"
-> "the total exports value reached 250000 million dollars in 2002"
> "it reach 350000 million dollars at 2003" -> "it reached 350000 million dollars in
2003" (preposition "in")
+ Missing article: "increased with linear rate" -> "increased with a
+ "The trend was
then continuously rise
": you are using 2 verbs in the same sentence.
-> "the trend was then on a continous rise"
+ Strange expression "into a new peak at 2005" -> "peaked at 420000 in 2005"
+ Wrong "in the range below 10000 million dollars"
+ Unnecessary to say "from a value under" -> "from under ... to ..."
+ Wrong "fell into 20000 million dollars"
Example: he fell into a big well in the garden.