In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In the contemporary world, the reported cases of crime all over the world are alarmingly increasing. It is believed that the main reasons behind this are the rise in population and the increase in the inflation rate. This can be harnessed with the involvement of the Government which is discussed further in the context of this essay.
In order to justify my point of view, I would like to state that the population of a country will be the first and foremost reason behind this increase in crime. Take India for instance, it is a developing country and in the prevailing scenario its population is sky rocketing, which creates a significant number of problems. With respects to that, unemployment is the major one; consequently, educated and sophisticated people survive without jobs and result in indulge in the crime to bear their expenses. Thus it is clear from this example that population is the major cause which ultimately forces people to commit crimes. To combat this grave problem, governments can arrange educational classes and programs to increase public awareness about the exacerbated effects of the increase in population.
Furthermore, the inflation rate is another reason for the increase in the number of crime cases in certain countries. To illustrate, In India nowadays, the inflation rate is booming continuously; which causes enormous problems and creates an inequality between rich and poor people, as rich become richer and poor become poorer. Hence, it has been seen from this example that the increase in inflation also leads to the increase of crime to some extent. This grim and gruesome problem can be tackled only by Governments, so government should adopt some leniency against the poor people and give them rebates so that they can survive and bear their expenses smoothly.
Eventually, after analyzing all the views, I would like to conclude that crime in any way is a major problem for any country. It needs a combined effort by Governments, masses and classes of any country to join the hands together to nip this evil into the bud. Otherwise it is expected that it could be worsen in near future.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
IELTS Opinion Essays
This critique is meant for the writing from kailash
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were fully able to achieve the task by showing the reason why crime is increasing and what governments can do to help reduce it with relevant examples.
Vocabulary is excellent.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are well organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
You have very good writing skills but you lack of strong grammar knowledge. At first, you could have score 7.5 but after taking into consideration the errors you made especially subject verb agreement and plural nouns, your score can be pulled down to 6.
Compare to the original writing.
+ "the crime is increasing": which crime?
> It should be "crime is increasing" without the word "the".
> Check up how I paraphrased your sentence "the crime all around the globe is increasing at an alarming rate"
+ Passive "This can be harness with the involvement" -> "This can be harnessed with the involvement"
+ "its population is sky rocketing, which create so many problems": "create" -> "creats" (subject verb agreement)
+ "so many problems" is not academic. Please check how I fixed that up.
+ "In which unemployment is the major one; consequently, educated and sophisticated people survive ...": "in which" should be used for relative clauses. In other words, you can't use it to start a sentence refering to the subject in the preceding sentence.
+ "to bear their expense" -> "to bear their expenses"
+ "the major cause which ultimately force people" -> "the major cause which ultimately forces people"
+ Punctuation and plural: "To combat this grave problem government can arrange" -> "To combat this grave problem, governments can arrange"
+ "governments can arrange some educational problem ... in population": You should rewrite this since there are many grammatical errors resulting in confusions in its meaning.
> "exacerbated affects" -> "exacerbated effects"
+ "the inflation rate is booming continuously; which cause enormous problem and create an inequality between rich and poor people"
> subject verb agreement problem
+ "problem can be tackle only by Government": subject verb agreement and plural
+ "combine effort" -> "combined effort"