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IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2 Go To Sample
In some countries people pay different rates of tax depending on their salary, in other countries everyone pays the same rate. Which do you believe is the best system?
How many words? How long?
One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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Undoubtedly, governments all around the world depend heavily on tax revenues to raise capital in order to fund their defence and development projects. To collect this levy, governments use various methods of taxation. While some are fairly simple, others can be quite complex. Although a simple tax system in which everyone pays the same rate of tax may seem more convenient, it has some serious drawbacks. On the other hand, a complex variable taxing system may give justice to the citizens as the amount of tax depends upon the level of income and thus, it is popular in its own right.
In simple terms, the tax system that uses the same rate for all severely fails to fully understand the economic complexities of the society, and oftentimes they are quite unfair. In Nepal, for instance, where the economic distribution is extremely uneven and complex, both the low-income earners and the affluent pay the same rate of tax on their income. This has instigated an outrage towards the government among the lower and average income earners. Although the tax system is easy to understand, the feeling of abuse and bias that it brings to the people is somewhat depressing.
By contrast,in advanced economies like that of Australia, the tax systems are tremendously complex. Nevertheless, it should be noted that various solutions are available to counter this problem. Even though the methods of levy contained in the Australian act may be difficult to understand and implement; in theory, it treats people with fairness. With this type of system, the rich pay more levy and the average-income earners pay only what they can afford. However, it can be argued that these systems are extremely sophisticated for an average person to understand. Nonetheless, the issue of complexity can easily be resolved by using various software and by visiting the official government websites. In other words, although complex systems may appear intimidating at first, they benefit the people since they treat people fairly and equally.
It is, therefore, countries where a simple tax system is used, the burden of the levy is hard to bear for the middle and the low-income earners, whereas countries where citizens pay tax based on their salary, the system does justice to all its citizens. Hence, the later however complex, is a lot better, and more fair than the former.
This critique is meant for the writing from ash
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were fully able to achieve the task by showing your stance as to which system is a better one.
Vocabulary is good.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are well organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ "Needless to say" is found more in spoken English. Hence, you should avoid using this phrase as it's informal.
+ "On the other hand, however complex a variable taxing system may be"
> I think you know it's redundant to use "on the other hand" and "however" at the same time.
+ Not clear "complex a variable taxing system may be, it does justice to the citizens as the amount of tax ..."
+ Subject Verb Agreement
> "the tax system that use the same rate" -> "the tax system that uses the same rate"
+ Missing articles:
> "simple tax system is used" -> "a simple tax system is used"
+ "often times" -> "oftentimes"
+ "severely complex" -> "tremendously complex"