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You want to apply for the following job. Write a letter to Mr. Moore describing your previous experience and explaining why you would be suitable for the job.
Waiter/waitress required for evening work. Some experience necessary.
• You should write at least 150 words.
• You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
How many words? How long?
One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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I am writing to express my interest towards the advertisement in seek.com for waitress required for your restaurant.
I am keen to join this as I have given five years of dedicated work in this field. I had a great experience as a waitress. Moreover, I have done three years diploma in hospitality. Apart from this, I have done a six month course in RSL. As a result, I know how to work in a bar as well. Beside my qualifications, I am a very hard working, Passionate, trustworthy and flexible girl. Before I was working at a restaurant near Harbour Bridge, which you may know is very famous as the busiest restaurant of the city; now this restaurant is shifting to another place, which will be quite far for me. Thus, I decide to move onto a new job.
I have already attached my resume along with this mail. I hope my credentials meet this job and really wants to discuss it further.
Looking forward to a positive response from your side.
Thanks in advance.
This critique is meant for the writing from kailash
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were fully able to achieve the task by showing your previous work experience as well as why you are the perfect match for the job.
Vocabulary is good.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are organised.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ Wrong tense "I have give five years"
> Present Perfect: I have given
+ No need for a comma here: "I am keen to join this, as I have give five years"
+ Countable nouns:
>"I have done six month course" -> "I have done a six-month course"
Next, "six month" -> "six-month" because it's now an adjective.
> "I was working at Harbour restaurant"
> "I am very hard working, Passionate, trustworthy and flexible girl"
+ Lack of transitional words: "I am keen ... I had ... I have done ..."
+ Never start a sentence with "So" in "So I know how to work in a bar as well". You should use "Therefore."
+ Informal "flexible gal"
+ Preposition "Looking forward a positive response from your side"