Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
As far as I know, the perception of happiness differs considerably from one individual to another as a result of the diversity of characteristics and environmental factors. In this essay, a few factors to attain happiness will be identified.
Admittedly, happiness means different things to different people because of their various perceptions. Some people refer happiness as a feeling of pleasure or enjoyment. For instance, a child has toys, a girl owns a shoes collection or people enjoy spending time with their family and friends. Nevertheless, other people see money as a source of happiness. They sacrifice everything in their pursuit of wealth and consider that earning money is solely a way to attain happiness.
Another reason why people have difficulty in defining happiness is that their objectives and interests vary in different life stages. One has the passion for toys as a child, fashionable clothing as a youth, an admirable occupation as an adult and possibly a company of family members as an elder. With age, one’s attitudes, capabilities and concerns are subject to change. Following the latest fads, for examples, appeals to young people, despite the expenditure of time and money. By comparison, senior people are hardly interested in their clothes fashion. They even tend to regard them as a wasteful use of money.
Considering the fact that people are all motivated to attain objectives for their happiness, they should first give different weight to different subjects, such as health, money, family or occupation. Few people can attain several aims at the same time. Therefore, the primary factor to achieve happiness is identifying the top priority elements. In addition, in order to be truly happy, it is necessary to live a good life as well as to do something useful with their lives. Some people get a sense of achievement from their work, whereas others find happiness is bringing up their children.
In conclusion, each person defines happiness in his own ways based on personal perceptions and life stages. In general, determining the top priority elements in achieving one's objectives and living a good life are the two most important factors to attain happiness.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
IELTS Opinion Essays
This critique is meant for the writing from prettylana
This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected.
Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction
to understand this critique!
You were able to achieve the task by showing the reasons for difficulty in defining happiness and the key factors to attain it .
Vocabulary is good with some neglectable mistakes which could be easily improved.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are well organised with clear topic sentences.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ "the mixes effect" doesn't sound academic.
+ "determine" was not used properly in "My essay will determine some factors"
> "determine" is to decide or settle conclusively and authoritatively (I suppose you were going to discuss the topic not giving a definite conclusion about how to attain happiness)
> "My essay will determine": your essay is only a writing task. It's not a person to decide something.
+ "Admittedly, happiness means different things to different people"
> it's not wrong but you shouldn't start your discussion by saying "admittedly" because it implies that this is a fact and we need not discuss at all. (just my personal feeling)
> and in academic writing, people normally start by discussing a matter and then gradually go to a conclusion.
+ "another people see money as a source of happiness"
> "another" is for singular nouns but "people" is plural.
+ You are missing an article here "earning money is solely way"
+ "in their clothes in fashion" -> "in their clothes fashion"
+ "identifies happiness as their own ways base on" -> "identifies happiness in their own ways based on"
+ "each person identifies happiness in his own ways":
> "identify" is to establish or indicate who or what. It's subtly different from "define"