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IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2 Go To Sample
Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against childhood diseases?
Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?
How many words? How long?
One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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Childhood diseases can become very serious if not treated properly. In many poor countries, the number of children who die because of ailments is very high. Hence, it should be an obligation for parents to immunise their children against childhood diseases. In this paper, I’m going to discuss the reasons for which immunisation programs must be enforced.
First of all, as can be seen, children in many poor countries are so easy to get infected due to the poor healthcare system. In such countries, the number of children dying because of childhood diseases is alarmingly high. Another possible reason is that parents do not take children protection into account well enough. They have to worry much about earning money and how to survive. Hence, to protect them, parents should be obliged to immunise their children.
Next, children are so vulnerable and obviously they are the future of a nation. Children protection is a must so that any countries can maintain their wealth. If this immunisation program is not treated as an obligation, the well being of children is not guaranteed since not every parent has a thorough understanding as to how to provide the best condition for their children’s health.
In conclusion, I strongly recommend immunisation programs should be obligatory because of the two mentioned reasons. The first reason is children are not well protected in many poor countries. Secondly, children are the future of any nations. Having discussed that, I believe children will be protected and can have great experiences in their childhood if that program is implemented probably.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
IELTS Opinion Essays
You were able to achieve the task by showing your viewpoint whether children immunisation should be enforced.
Vocabulary is varied: treated properly, infected, alarmingly, vulnerable.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
There are a number of transition words used: hence, first of all, next, secondly, having discussed that.
The organization is clear and logical. If the writer can add one more paragraph giving one more reason as to why the immunisation should be enforced, it would be better because there would be 5 paragraphs.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
>change "condition" to "conditions"
from "how to provide the best condition for their children’s health" to "how to provide the best conditions for their children’s health"