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IELTS Writing Correction

Author: kamano

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Writing task 1/question from the book "Cambridge IELTS 7" /page 30. The task: The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.

This is a writing submitted by kamano for a free review. Please submit your writing at IELTS Writing Correction for a free review.

Original writing:
The table demonstrates the expenditure for various three categories are related to some of the products and services in five countries. Which,are Turkey,Ireland,Sweden,Spain and Italy in 2002.

It can be clearly seen,that the food/drinks/tobacco section illustrates that Turkey is the highest country in the financial spending by a percentage of 32.14%. On the other hand, Sweden considered as the lowest at that part of the table by 15.77 percent.

The second section,which is clothing and footwear item reveals that Italy is the most expender by a proportion of 9.00%. Differently,Sweden counted as the smallest spender by 5.40 percent. In addition,the last group leisure/education recorded that Turkey in 2002 made the most enormous value- refers to the list- which was 4.35%. Nevertheless,Spain was the last in the list by the percentage 1.98%.

In conclusion,the table exihbited the difference and the varitey among the percentages in the expenditure in five regions of the globe for three different items in 2002. Furthermore,it showed the highest and the lowest in the moneny that had been spent for thoes categories.

This writing has also been posted at IELTS Writing Sample. There might be an improved version of the writing there so please visit IELTS Writing Sample.

Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were partially able to achieve the task by giving the details of expenditure in the 5 countries in 2002.

+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is very limited with lots of repetition.

+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are unclear, not well organized. You need to improve your skills in using transition words.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
You should improve your grammar skills because there were many incorrect words.

PERSONAL ADVICE
+Pay more attention to avoid grammatical mistakes such as "various three categories" => "three various categories".
+Wrong usage of "various" since there are only 3 categories.
+Your first sentence doesn't have clear subject/verb distinction.
+Wrong punctuation "It can be clearly seen,that" => "It can be clearly seen that".
+It should be homegeneous in the way you use "%" and "percent". You shouldn't use "32.14%" and "15.77 percent" as written in your original essay.
+"Proportion" refers to the relationship between different things or parts with respect to comparative size, number, or degree. In other words, you must have at least 2 things to compare. Therefore, you can't use it as you wrote in the essay.
+"expender" is not a correct word.
+The way you used linking words such as "in addition" is not appropriate.



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IELTS Writing Sample

Mandatory Financial Education

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

Financial education should be mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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IELTS Writing Word Count and IELTS Writing Time

IELTS Writing Task 1:
Timing: 20 minutes
Minimum word count: 150

IELTS Writing Task 2:
Timing: 40 minutes
Minimum word count: 250

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 1

There are 2 different formats. One is for the Academic module and the other is for the General module. However, for both modules, you will have to produce a writing of 150 words based on the given information.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - General Module
You are supposed to write a letter.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - Academic Module
You will be given a task based on some pictorial or graphic information. You have to describe the information provided.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 1

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

This task is more difficult than IELTS Writing Task 1
You have to write at least 250 words and, as Task 2 is longer than Task 1, you are advised to spend approximately 40 minutes on this task and 20 minutes on the first task.
You are expected to produce a writing on a given topic and to organise your answer correctly, giving some examples to support your ideas.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 2

Give your writing a good structure

1) Introduction is a must. You don't believe you could get a good grade without introduction, do you?

2) Body: 3 paragraphs are also necessary. Three is a magical number. It can do wonders to your overall band score.

3) Conclusion. You do not want to infuse your examiner with a feeling of incompleteness.

A Good Outline before you write is essential

What you are going to write in your essay? Write down the key ideas as short as possible.

An outline sample
Introduction - Topic and opinion in short
Paragraph 1 - staff working conditions are important
Paragraph 2 - employers should research and improve the working conditions
Paragraph 3 - concentrating more on their product is bad
Conclusion - Short summary of paragraphs

How will your essay look like?

Is it everything?

No, the structure you have just seen is a structure for an opinion essay.

What does it mean?

It means there are many different types of essays. If you go through our website, you can see that under IELTS Writing Task 1 and Task 2, there are different categories.
You need to go through each of them and study the structure for the particular writing type.

I do know the structure of an IELTS Writing but why I didn't score high in the exam?

There are many reasons. One of the many reasons is lacking of linking words.
Did you use linking words?
They would make your structure clearer and therefore improve your overal score.

Linking Words or Transitional Words

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This is how your essay is graded

There are 4 components: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Task Response means to what extend your essay covers the topic. For example, if the topic is "The advantages and disadvantages of globalization", you would have to write about both aspects not just only advantages or just only disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion means how well your paragraphs and sentences are connected. If your first paragraph is about advantages of globalisation, you should start your second paragraph with phrases such as "Despite the advantages, there are many disadvantages we should be aware of". Otherwise, your essay is just a list of items which are not related to each other.

Lexical Resource means vocabulary and different types of sentences, simple and complex. You should be able to demonstrate your capability in using English.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy means spelling and grammar of sentences. You should be able to spell the words correctly, do not forget articles “a” and “the”, punctuations is also important.

One more important thing to know: the four criteria are equally weighted. It means that if you forgot about “Coherence and Cohesion” in your essay, you will loose 1/4 of your essay points.