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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
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You were able to achieve the task by summarising the key ideas.
Vocabulary is not good and you have not demonstrated your ability in using a wide range of vocabulary.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
You should improve your essay's structure.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ "with 65 age" is wrong -> "with the age of 65 and over."
+ "in 3 Asian, European, and American (Japan, Sweden, and USA respectively)" is wrong.
We can understand you wanted to say the continents in which the countries are located but it's not what people normally use.
+ "this years" is wrong: this is for singular nouns and "years" is plural.
+ "upward trends in changes of the number" is repeating the idea
> "upward trends" already means changes
> then you use "in changes" -> wrong.
+ "the people aged 65 and over are the most in USA" doesn't sound right.
> the people are ... : when you are giving definition but actually you mean the proportion.
> you were talking about 1940 so you shouldn't have used "are".
+ "On the other hand, according to the graph," is grammatically correct but sounds odd.
> You should use one of them not both.
+ "the 65 age and over people in USA reversely will the least" is not a complete sentence.
> "will the least" is wrong: after "will", you should use a bare infinitive. For example: you will be my best friend.
+ You should have used "the USA" instead of only "USA".
+ "with the 23%" is wrong
> with 23% of the total population.
+ "both in 1940 and 2040" is inappropriate.
> if you want to use "in" after "both", you should write "both in 1940 and in 2040".
> or you can write: "in both 1940 and 2040".
+ "the amount of 65 age and over individuals" is totally wrong.
> "the amount" is only used for uncountable nouns such as water or sugar.
> "individuals" is a countable word here.
+ "they are increasing from the least to the most in Japan" is not correct.
+ "the most" should be accompanied by an adjective normally.
+ You should use less parentheses.
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