Do you like this?
So this time I tried a (single) opinion essay: I made 7 in the writing section on my first attempt to do IELTS but really need 8. So any critique ist welcome. Topic: Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people’s standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives.
This is a writing submitted by katisss for a free review. Please submit your writing at IELTS Writing Correction for a free review.
You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion as to whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the essay's requirement.
Vocabulary is very good: quest, never-ending, wealth, economists.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are not well organised. Good use of transition words: In addition, furthermore, to begin.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
>"In many countries modern life has improved"
>"To begin, "
>"While it improves prosperity, it..."
>"For some people,"
+Redundancy: "but people seem nevertheless generally not more happy"
>"nevertheless" means "In spite of that" (opposite)
>"but" also means something happens unexpectedly.
+Wrong position of preposition:
>"seem to be generally not ..." -> "generally people seem to be ..."
>"necessary" -> "necessarily"
>"is likely oversimplifying" -> "is likely to be oversimplifying" ( be likely to )
>"directly correlating standard of living with happiness" -> "direct correlating standard of living with happiness"
>"happiness is hard to define" -> "happiness is hard to be defined"
>"seem to be" not just "seem not happier"
>"not more happy" -> "happier"
>"standard of living" -> "standards of living"
>"a surprisingly high levels" -> "a surprisingly high level"
+Wrong meaning "hold up":
a. To carry or support (the body or a bodily part) in a certain position: Can the baby hold herself up yet? Hold up your leg.
b. To cover (the ears or the nose, for example) especially for protection: held my nose against the stench.
+Wrong way of expressing:
>"as other factors might play an important role"
>"very high relative to their peers"
>"It remains to hope that"
+Never start a sentence with "So": "So in their perception"
+Wrong "In additional in countries" -> "In addition,"
+Wrong usage of "the" in "an improvement might not make a major difference to the individual"
Where you find free IELTS Resources, Materials, Samples to study and practice for the IELTS exam.
|Log in | Register | Free Review|
Do you like this?