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IELTS Writing Correction

Author: katisss

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So this time I tried a (single) opinion essay: I made 7 in the writing section on my first attempt to do IELTS but really need 8. So any critique ist welcome. Topic: Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people’s standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives.

This is a writing submitted by katisss for a free review. Please submit your writing at IELTS Writing Correction for a free review.

Original writing:
In many countries modern life has improved people’s standard of living, but people seem nevertheless generally not more happy with their lives. This can be regarded as a surprise with the level of prosperity at a historic high. We will show that improvements in people’s living conditions do not necessary advance people’s overall feeling of happiness as other factors might play an important role.

To begin happiness is hard to define as different people may have very different concepts of happiness, but directly correlating standard of living with happiness is likely oversimplifying their relationship. While good life conditions certainly contribute to happiness, people in poor countries frequently express a surprisingly high levels of happiness in opinion polls. For some people fulfilling work and social relationships probably add more to happiness than being able to afford luxury goods.

Furthermore people might not even compare their current standard of living to the standard of the past. Instead they are more likely to see how they are holding up with their neighbours or community. So in their perception their standard of living might not even seem very high relative to their peers. In additional in countries with high standard of living an increase might not make a major difference to the individuals standard of living.

Also economic advancement comes with some side effects for the entire society and individuals. While it improves prosperity it can hurt other social requirements and needs. There might be more traffic and pollution. Individuals may face higher pressure as well as greater complexity in the work place and find less time to spent with families and friends.

Happiness is humankind‘s never-ending quest and improving standard of living is probably not the only or even the central key to it. Economists are already looking for a more suitable way of measuring happiness than wealth. It remains to hope that people and societies in the future focus less on economic advancement but on more sustainable ways to reach happiness.

This writing has also been posted at IELTS Writing Sample. There might be an improved version of the writing there so please visit IELTS Writing Sample.

Critique
+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to achieve the task by showing your opinion as to whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the essay's requirement.

+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is very good: quest, never-ending, wealth, economists.

+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are not well organised. Good use of transition words: In addition, furthermore, to begin.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.

PERSONAL ADVICE
+Punctuation:
>"In many countries modern life has improved"
>"Furthermore,"
>"In addition,"
>"To begin, "
>"Also,"
>"Instead,"
>"While it improves prosperity, it..."
>"For some people,"
+Redundancy: "but people seem nevertheless generally not more happy"
>"nevertheless" means "In spite of that" (opposite)
>"but" also means something happens unexpectedly.
+Wrong position of preposition:
>"seem to be generally not ..." -> "generally people seem to be ..."
+Wrong Grammar:
>"necessary" -> "necessarily"
>"is likely oversimplifying" -> "is likely to be oversimplifying" ( be likely to )
>"directly correlating standard of living with happiness" -> "direct correlating standard of living with happiness"
>"happiness is hard to define" -> "happiness is hard to be defined"
>"seem to be" not just "seem not happier"
>"not more happy" -> "happier"
>"standard of living" -> "standards of living"
>"a surprisingly high levels" -> "a surprisingly high level"
+Wrong meaning "hold up":
a. To carry or support (the body or a bodily part) in a certain position: Can the baby hold herself up yet? Hold up your leg.
b. To cover (the ears or the nose, for example) especially for protection: held my nose against the stench.
Source: TheFreeDictionary
+Wrong way of expressing:
>"as other factors might play an important role"
>"very high relative to their peers"
>"It remains to hope that"
+Never start a sentence with "So": "So in their perception"
+Wrong "In additional in countries" -> "In addition,"
+Wrong usage of "the" in "an improvement might not make a major difference to the individual"



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IELTS Writing Sample

Mandatory Financial Education

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

Financial education should be mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Go To Sample

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We are updating this writing outline. Please come back later!

IELTS Writing Word Count and IELTS Writing Time

IELTS Writing Task 1:
Timing: 20 minutes
Minimum word count: 150

IELTS Writing Task 2:
Timing: 40 minutes
Minimum word count: 250

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 1

There are 2 different formats. One is for the Academic module and the other is for the General module. However, for both modules, you will have to produce a writing of 150 words based on the given information.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - General Module
You are supposed to write a letter.
IELTS Writing Task 1 - Academic Module
You will be given a task based on some pictorial or graphic information. You have to describe the information provided.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 1

IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2

This task is more difficult than IELTS Writing Task 1
You have to write at least 250 words and, as Task 2 is longer than Task 1, you are advised to spend approximately 40 minutes on this task and 20 minutes on the first task.
You are expected to produce a writing on a given topic and to organise your answer correctly, giving some examples to support your ideas.
For More Details: IELTS Writing Task 2

Give your writing a good structure

1) Introduction is a must. You don't believe you could get a good grade without introduction, do you?

2) Body: 3 paragraphs are also necessary. Three is a magical number. It can do wonders to your overall band score.

3) Conclusion. You do not want to infuse your examiner with a feeling of incompleteness.

A Good Outline before you write is essential

What you are going to write in your essay? Write down the key ideas as short as possible.

An outline sample
Introduction - Topic and opinion in short
Paragraph 1 - staff working conditions are important
Paragraph 2 - employers should research and improve the working conditions
Paragraph 3 - concentrating more on their product is bad
Conclusion - Short summary of paragraphs

How will your essay look like?

Is it everything?

No, the structure you have just seen is a structure for an opinion essay.

What does it mean?

It means there are many different types of essays. If you go through our website, you can see that under IELTS Writing Task 1 and Task 2, there are different categories.
You need to go through each of them and study the structure for the particular writing type.

I do know the structure of an IELTS Writing but why I didn't score high in the exam?

There are many reasons. One of the many reasons is lacking of linking words.
Did you use linking words?
They would make your structure clearer and therefore improve your overal score.

Linking Words or Transitional Words

Still want more?

We do understand for those who are gonna take the IELTS exam, improving IELTS skills is a very important but difficult task.
We have been trying to provide the best services. However there are many more features we are still implementing. Therefore, it will take some time to finish everything with excellent services.
Please go to the category "IELTS Preparation" for more tips and advice!

This is how your essay is graded

There are 4 components: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Task Response means to what extend your essay covers the topic. For example, if the topic is "The advantages and disadvantages of globalization", you would have to write about both aspects not just only advantages or just only disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion means how well your paragraphs and sentences are connected. If your first paragraph is about advantages of globalisation, you should start your second paragraph with phrases such as "Despite the advantages, there are many disadvantages we should be aware of". Otherwise, your essay is just a list of items which are not related to each other.

Lexical Resource means vocabulary and different types of sentences, simple and complex. You should be able to demonstrate your capability in using English.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy means spelling and grammar of sentences. You should be able to spell the words correctly, do not forget articles “a” and “the”, punctuations is also important.

One more important thing to know: the four criteria are equally weighted. It means that if you forgot about “Coherence and Cohesion” in your essay, you will loose 1/4 of your essay points.